CHAPTER 119: Wan Baiyun's Monologue [2]

"But she was too adorable. Every time she looked at me with those pitiful eyes, I couldn't find any reason to refuse her. I kept telling myself over and over again that I had to agree, that I couldn't make her unhappy." Wan Baiyun continued.

"Eventually, I agreed to paint a portrait for her as a birthday gift. I prepared for a long time, stealing half an hour every day in my room to secretly draw after training."

"I couldn't keep the lights in my room on for too long because if my grandmother found out, she would definitely burst in without hesitation."

"But just when I was almost finished with the painting, my grandmother discovered it. She found dried paint on the clothes I had given to the household robot for washing."

"She was furious. In a fit of rage, she stomped on all my art supplies, threw away the paint, and in her violent actions, the portrait became utterly ruined, unrecognizable from its original form."

"She told me that I could only become a soldier. I had no other dreams. Being a soldier was my dream. I had to join the military and dedicate my life to serving the country. But I didn't want to be a soldier at all, and she never bothered to ask me."

"After throwing away all my art supplies, she beat me again. The injuries from that beating were severe. She broke two of my ribs, and I had to spend a week in the hospital before I went to apologize to Shan Pan."

In Qin Zhaoci's mind, she saw a fragile figure trembling, witnessing the scene of an enraged and deranged parent.

Qin Zhaoci frowned. "Wasn't there any child protection law in the Empire?"

Wan Baiyun shook her head. "There wasn't at that time, and don't forget, my grandmother was the commander of the military district. No one believed that she was responsible for these things. She told everyone that I got injured during training, and no one doubted her."

"Do you know? I envied Shan Pan so much. She had parents, grandparents, and siblings who loved her. She smiled every day, and her smile was so beautiful, so full of happiness. But me? I seemed to be smiling, but my heart could never truly feel happy."

"Shan Pan is like the sun, always radiating warmth and light. And I'm like the moon covered by dark clouds on a cold and dark night. I'm not worthy of her."

"I don't even know why she likes me. I'm clearly not good at anything."

Wan Baiyun lowered her head, tears falling from the corners of her eyes and landing on the table.

Qin Zhaoci looked at her desolate and wounded expression, and couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy. After a brief silence, Qin Zhaoci poured her another glass of wine.

After taking a sip of the wine, Wan Baiyun continued, "Later on, as I approached my 16th birthday, the day of differentiation, I felt that I couldn't continue living like this. So I took the initiative to tell my grandmother about my dreams, the things I wanted to do."

"But she didn't listen at all, and she disregarded my wishes. She was insane, imposing her own will on me. As long as I didn't meet her expectations, she would use extreme measures to make me submit."

"That day, when I left home, I felt completely hopeless, like my life would never escape from my grandmother's grasp. At the doorstep, I encountered Shan Pan, and the two of us were kidnapped by a man with a grudge against the Shan family."

"You can probably guess what happened next. That man wanted to kill Shan Pan as revenge against her family. When his knife was aimed at Shan Pan, I threw myself in front of her and took the blow instead."

"After being rescued, my grandmother even had the audacity to claim that she had cultivated a sense of military honor in me. It's ridiculous. I only did it out of my own selfishness."

Qin Zhaoci asked, "Selfishness? What kind of selfishness?"

"The selfishness of not wanting Shan Pan to get hurt, and of course, the selfishness of not wanting to continue living. At that moment, lying on the ground, feeling the warmth slowly drain from my body, I didn't even have the sensation of fear."

"In my heart, all I wanted was to die right then and there, before the differentiation, to die early and escape. That way, my grandmother would no longer have control over me. Even in death, I wanted to attain freedom, to find release."

"But that stubborn Shan Pan didn't want me to die. She cried so loudly, her tears were hot, falling drop by drop on my face. I told her not to save me, but she didn't hear me. And so, through the efforts of the Shan family, I survived. I even successfully differentiated into an Alpha, just as my grandmother had hoped."

"After differentiating into an Alpha, my grandmother became even stricter with me. She sent me to a military training camp, and the days of training grew darker with each passing day. I tried to escape many times, but I would always be caught and brought back, only to face more beatings and punishments."

"When I realized I couldn't escape, I started to hang out with the wrong crowd, living a reckless life, hoping to show my grandmother that I wouldn't become what she wanted."

"During that time, I was behaving badly while secretly preparing for the entrance exam to the Design Academy of the Imperial Institute."

"But just as I received the acceptance letter from the Design Academy, my grandmother made a phone call and canceled the spot, forcefully sending me to the Military Academy."

"Is your grandmother... mentally ill?" Even as Qin Zhaoci listened, she could understand just how oppressive Wan Baiyun had endured for over the past twenty years.

"Heh, she's always been sick." Wan Baiyun chuckled coldly. "After entering the Military Academy, I became even worse than before, hanging out with shady friends and having a girlfriend who loved to get into trouble. You were also a notorious troublemaker at the Military Academy, which is why I became close to you."

"As for my grandmother, she ruled with an iron fist. When she realized that her attempts to persuade me were futile, she expelled all those students, excluding you. You had the backing of the Qin family, and she couldn't afford to offend them."

"Shan Pan later confessed her feelings to me. I couldn't understand why she still liked me when I had become so rotten. I firmly rejected her, even hurling insults at her. I knew I couldn't escape from the Wan family, and I had no ability to make her happy."

"I was just a puppet in my grandmother's hands, riddled with wounds and utterly powerless to break free. I couldn't drag her into such a cage."

"Afterward, she was heartbroken and didn't come to see me for a long time. When we finally met again after I joined the military, she had blossomed into someone cute and beautiful. I didn't expect her to still hold on to hope and make threats to win me over."

"I rejected her once again. By that time, I had realized that as long as I stayed in the Empire, I would never be able to escape my grandmother's control. So I began preparing for exams at other planetary academies, preparing to apply for retirement and study at schools on other planets."

"My grandmother kept a close watch on me. Even though I was being cautious, she still discovered my intentions."

"She subtly reminded me, but I didn't want to listen. In order to keep me in the Empire, she had her secretary drug me on my birthday, hoping to make the secretary's daughter have a relationship with me and force us into marriage, thus keeping me in the Empire."

"What?" Qin Zhaoci exclaimed in disbelief, her eyes widening in disgust at Wan Shiying's actions.

"I learned about these things later when I overheard the secretary talking to her. I don't know why it was Shan Pan who came in that day, but in the end, just as my grandmother wanted, I was forced into the marriage."

"That morning, I was so disappointed in Shan Pan. I thought she had conspired with my grandmother to plot against me. I was both sad and in pain. It was so close, on my birthday I had already received the acceptance letter from that academy, and the next day I had already booked my spaceship seat. It was so close, I could have left."

"After the marriage, I didn't want to go home or face her. I stared at the acceptance letter in my optical brain, thinking about the dreams I had lost again, thinking about my grandmother's controlling face. I couldn't face the reality."

"A month after the marriage, Shan Pan told me she was pregnant. I wasn't surprised, but I was still angry because deep down, I secretly hoped she wouldn't get pregnant. Maybe then I could take her with me to that school and study together."

"Even though I knew it was impossible, Shan Pan had her own studies, her own parents. She couldn't possibly leave with me."

Wan Baiyun lowered her head and covered her face with her hands.

"I originally wanted to be heartless and not care about her, but seeing her suffering from morning sickness, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. Every time I came back from outside, I secretly used pheromones to comfort her."

"Except during the night, I didn't know how to face her during the day, so I constantly spoke harshly to her. I hated that version of myself and didn't know how to handle the situation. I didn't know what to do, and I was in pain."

"At night at home, I often couldn't sleep, so I frequently asked you to go out for a drink. After drinking, at least I could sleep properly for a while."

"And then, you know the rest. I accepted my fate. I admitted my feelings for Shan Pan and knew I couldn't escape from my grandmother. I wanted to reconcile with Shan Pan, to tell her what I was thinking, but every time I saw her hopeful eyes, I couldn't find the words to say."

"I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to say those things. I thought my grandmother wouldn't let Shan Pan hear them. She never let her hear them before."

"I didn't avoid her calls on purpose either. If I knew it was a cry for help, I would definitely have answered. But I thought it was the same as before, with her scolding me, so I didn't want to pick up."

"I don't want to hurt her, but I don't know how to be good to her. No one has taught me how to love someone. I don't know what to do."

"I want to try my best to hide the thorns on myself, but I always end up hurting her. It's not intentional, but that's always the result. I can't help it."

"Qin Zhaoci, tell me, what should I do?"

Wan Baiyun grabbed Qin Zhaoci's arm, repeating over and over again, "What should I do?" Finally, she fell into a deep sleep. Qin Zhaoci looked at the drunken Wan Baiyun, lowered her head, and glanced at her own optical brain, pausing the recording. After blinking her reddened eyes, Qin Zhaoci helped Wan Baiyun up and sent her back home.

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