CHAPTER 118: Wan Baiyun's Monologue

After Shan Pan mentioned divorce, Wan Baiyun learned the address of the hospital where Shan Pan was from Wan Shiying.

She attempted to visit several times but was stopped by the bodyguards stationed outside Shan Pan's ward.

After unsuccessful attempts, Wan Baiyun found a spot downstairs at the hospital where she could look up and see Shan Pan's room window. Every night after her training missions, she would come to the hospital yard and wait.

She would only leave after seeing the lights in Shan Pan's room go out at night.

She hoped that one day Shan Pan would open the window and look down, and she also hoped that someone would remind Shan Pan that she was waiting downstairs. However, the result was disappointing.

Shan Pan's figure never appeared at that window.

It wasn't until half a month later when Qin Zhaoci and Ye Lianyin came to the hospital to visit Shan Pan.

As they were preparing to leave, Qin Zhaoci blinked and quietly revealed, "I heard that Wan Baiyun waits under that window every night, like a stone of longing for her wife. It's quite amusing."

Shan Pan raised her eyebrows in surprise after hearing this, but before she could say anything.

Ye Lianyin kicked Qin Zhaoci's knee, saying, "Shut up. Don't mention Wan Baiyun again, or you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight."

"Ah, ow." Qin Zhaoci pouted in a pitiful manner, placing her hand on Ye Lianyin's shoulder as they walked away. "My feet hurt."

Watching the intimate scene between the two, Shan Pan's lips curved with envy and amusement. Then she turned her head and glanced in the direction of the window, her gaze slightly darkening.

In the evening, when the caregiver came to attend to Shan Pan, she spoke up, "Is there someone waiting downstairs?"

The caregiver paused, thinking about what Shan Pan's family had warned her about, and was about to deny it.

But Shan Pan seemed to anticipate her response and said directly, "You don't have to worry. Just nod or shake your head to tell me."

The caregiver nodded.

Shan Pan pursed her lips. "When does she leave every day?"

The caregiver pointed to the switch of the lights.

Shan Pan immediately understood what she meant. "She leaves when I turn off the lights and go to sleep?"

The caregiver nodded.

Shan Pan bit her lip, turned her head to the position of the window, pulled the blanket over herself, rolled over, and closed her eyes. "I'm going to sleep. You can turn off the lights."

"Okay." the caregiver glanced at the time and realized it was indeed the usual time for Shan Pan to sleep. She raised her hand and turned off the light. "If you need anything, just ring the bell, and I'll come right away."

"Mhm, Mhm." Shan Pan replied twice.

Downstairs, Wan Baiyun saw the lights go out and lowered her gaze in disappointment. She turned around, ready to leave.

At that moment, she received a call from Qin Zhaoci, inviting her to the Yax Bar for a drink.

"Why are you suddenly inviting me for a drink? Didn't you stop going to bars after marrying Ye Lianyin?" Wan Baiyun asked.

"Yeah." Qin Zhaoci nodded. "But I have a feeling that you might need my help, and besides, I've recently developed a new type of liquor that I want you to taste for me."

Wan Baiyun hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Alright, I'll come over right away."

After ending the call, Wan Baiyun looked up and glanced at the position of Shan Pan's room window before turning to leave.

Moonlight shone into the ward through the window. On the left side of the window, a slightly swollen shadow appeared on the floor, lingering for a while before slowly disappearing at the edge of the window.

Qin Zhaoci prepared a private booth at Yax Bar. After providing the booth number to Wan Baiyun, she took out a case of beer, three bottles of high-proof liquor, two bottles of wine, several bottles of spirits, and some ice from her space.

After placing the drinks on the table, Qin Zhaoci arranged two glasses and waited quietly for Wan Baiyun to arrive.

Ten minutes later, Wan Baiyun pushed open the door and walked in.

Seeing the array of drinks on the table, she was somewhat surprised. "So much?"

"Yeah, I thought you would get so drunk tonight that you wouldn't know which way is north. Should you consider taking a leave from the military?" Qin Zhaoci raised an eyebrow.

Wan Baiyun furrowed her brows. "I've already taken a three-month leave from the military. I've finished all my tasks today, and my vacation starts tomorrow."

"Well, well, look at you, becoming more responsible." Qin Zhaoci laughed. "Seems like you also know that you need to win back your wife."

Wan Baiyun frowned and didn't respond, lowering her head to look at the drinks on the table. "We're here to drink, right? How should we start?"

Qin Zhaoci smiled as she opened a bottle of beer and brought out a bottle of distilled spirits. She then used ice to prepare a cocktail on the spot. 

After preparing the drink, Qin Zhaoci pushed the glass in front of Wan Baiyun and raised an eyebrow. "Give it a try."

Wan Baiyun took it with hesitation, tilted her head back, and downed it in one go. She let out a satisfied "ahh" and said, "That feels great, pour me another one."

"Sure." Qin Zhaoci seemed to be mixing drinks specifically for Wan Baiyun. She kept pouring one glass after another until she noticed her eyes becoming somewhat vacant. Then she slowly stopped.

Activating the recording function on her optical brain, Qin Zhaoci began to ask, "Wan Baiyun, do you like Shan Pan?"

Wan Baiyun slumped on the table, resting her face on her left arm, while her right hand slightly raised, playing with the glass in her hand.

Nodding hesitantly, she said, "Hmm, I like her. I really, really like her. She's the cutest."

Qin Zhaoci raised an eyebrow in surprise. Indeed, alcohol brings out the truth. Such words would never come out of Wan Baiyun's mouth under normal circumstances.

Before Qin Zhaoci could continue questioning, Wan Baiyun pushed the glass towards him and said, "Another one."

"Alright." to appease her, Qin Zhaoci quickly mixed another drink, reminding her to drink slowly.

She asked again, "If you like Shan Pan so much, why don't you tell her directly? If you don't tell her, how will she know? Moreover, you don't usually act like you like her very much. Now that Shan Pan is ignoring you, what are you going to do?"

Wan Baiyun shook her head, her expression turning sad, and her voice choked with emotion. "I don't know why she suddenly doesn't want me anymore. I wanted to tell her, but I couldn't find the words. I thought things were fine as they were."

"Why can't you find the words?" Qin Zhaoci was somewhat surprised. "Tell her that you like her and ask her not to leave you. Isn't that simple?"

"I can't say it." Wan Baiyun shook her head. "Every time I try to say it, my heart starts to panic. I feel like she will definitely reject me, and I can't face my own feelings."

"What do you mean?" Qin Zhaoci furrowed her brow.

Wan Baiyun shook her head again. "I don't know. I'm afraid of entering a relationship. Every time she gets close, I want to push her away. But my heart tells me that I really like her."

"But I can't truly open up to her. Subconsciously, I feel like I'll be hurt. It's like I'm hiding in a shell. Whenever she comes close, I push her away with harsh words. I'm in pain, but I can't change the situation."

Qin Zhaoci suddenly realized that Wan Baiyun seemed to have serious psychological issues, which caused her to reject and fear entering an intimate relationship.

Taking into account Wan Baiyun's family situation, Qin Zhaoci tentatively asked, "How did your grandmother educate you?"

Wan Baiyun finished the drink in one gulp. "My grandmother?" She scoffed. "She's a lunatic."

"My Alpha mother sacrificed herself on a mission when I was very young, around five years old. In my memories, her face never had a smile. She would hurriedly come home and then hurriedly leave again."

"She always looked at me with a somewhat sympathetic gaze, as if she had something to say to me. Unfortunately, I didn't get to hear her teachings. The only memory I have is my mother holding her ashes, crying heart-wrenchingly in front of the coffin."

"After my mother's death, my Omega mother, without the soothing effect of Alpha pheromones, became emaciated and gradually wasted away. Not long after, she passed away too. Before she died, she held my hand and asked me to listen to my grandmother."

"Well, I was a good child back then. I listened attentively to my grandmother. But she never showed any affection towards me."

"Not long after my mother's death, she arranged for me to participate in military training. Every day, instructors would come to our house to train me in physical fitness, combat, shooting, and other activities."

"My hands were blistered, and she didn't care, saying that soldiers shouldn't be afraid of hardship. When my arm was fractured, she didn't care either. After the hospital set the bone, she made me continue with the training."

"I grew up with injuries all over my body. There wasn't a single part of me that was intact. My arms, legs, and ribs have all been fractured at some point."

"I hated the Empire's healthcare system when I was a child. They would quickly heal my wounds each time, not even giving me time to rest before being dragged back into brutal training." Wan Baiyun said with bitterness.

Qin Zhaoci was shocked after hearing this, and the face of Wan Shiying flashed through her mind. She couldn't imagine her doing such things, given her attitude towards Shan Pan.

"Did you ever resist?" Qin Zhaoci continued to ask.

Wan Baiyun tapped the glass, and Qin Zhaoci opened a bottle of red wine and poured her a glass.

"Yes, I resisted." Wan Baiyun looked at the liquid in the glass and gently swirled it around. "The result of resisting was being forced to kneel in front of the portraits of my two mothers all night, repeatedly copying the words my mother said before she passed away. It was that sentence, 'You must listen to your grandmother.'"

"As I grew older, she realized that making me write that was futile, so she resorted to physical punishment. Sometimes with a ruler, sometimes with a whip. I was beaten until my skin split open, but I could only obediently continue with the training."

"Before Shan Pan moved next door, I didn't have any time of my own. It was just training, training, and more training. I had to wear long sleeves every day to hide my wounds."

"After she moved next door, my grandmother allowed me to spend one hour a week playing with her. That was the happiest time of my life."

"I could hold her hand and lie on the grassy lawn of our secret base, taking out my sketchbook to draw. I could draw the sky I liked, the meadows I liked, and the people I liked." 

As Wan Baiyun spoke, a bitter smile appeared on her face.

"During that time, I looked forward to Shan Pan's days off every week. But after she saw my drawings, she started begging me incessantly to draw a portrait for her. At first, I didn't agree because drawing a portrait takes a long time. If my grandmother found out, I would never be able to touch a paintbrush again."

BACK | TABLE OF CONTENTS | NEXT