CHAPTER 3

Perhaps because it had been so long since they'd last seen each other, unable to hear her voice, unable to see her face, and with no way to gauge her attitude, Xie Shuyu had been restless and distracted before that little essay.

Wen Wan's torrent of scolding, delivered in rapid-fire fashion, actually snapped her out of it. Her afternoon productivity soared, she drew quickly and well, finishing even tomorrow's work ahead of schedule.

Compared to large advertising or media corporations, magazine salaries weren't particularly high, but the job had its perks, plenty of leisure time and more personal space.

In this world flooded with information, obsessed with efficiency and speed, where human desires run rampant, the word "faith" felt somewhat pretentious to utter, it rolled around on the tongue, sticky and awkward, a little embarrassing.

But one must love something, to generate a force of creation.

Believing in science, revering nature, Xie Shuyu genuinely loved her profession and her position. Amid the many frustrations of a long life, this passion was enough to withstand everything.

After a few years on the job, her team leader, Sister Zhang, thought highly of her and had promised to give her a dedicated column next year.

Still, in the workplace, one had to stay sharp. She held onto her manuscript without submitting it, lest Sister Zhang assign her more work tomorrow.

The editorial department had a relaxed atmosphere, one might even call it leisurely. They almost never worked overtime. Any remaining tasks were taken home, and they shut down their computers right on schedule, a crowd of them flooding into the elevator together.

The day after tomorrow was the weekend, and everyone was discussing where to go. This season, most chose to take the whole family out for outings and camping.

Spring had arrived, observing nature was a required course.

"What about you, Xiao Yu?" Sister Zhang asked.

Xie Shuyu thought for a moment. "Xuemin said next month's feature is on irises, so I need to go out and take a look." Xuemin was the contributing editor.

Sister Zhang nodded. "As long as it's not a lovers' su!cide pact, we're fine. The editorial department needs you, don't go doing anything rash."

Xuemin leaned over. "What? Who's having a su!cide pact?"

Xie Shuyu pressed her hand to her forehead, mortified.

This building's magazine staff left work the earliest, and the editorial department was especially quick to slip away. The elevator was smooth all the way down, with everyone saying their goodbyes.

Xie Shuyu trudged toward the subway station, head down, remembering Sister Zhang's words in the elevator. She laughed foolishly to herself. Passersby couldn't help glancing at her twice, and she covered her mouth with her hand, a little embarrassed, a little shy.

On the subway, she told Wen Wan about it. The other side sent back an eye-roll emoji.

[So you're willing to talk to me now?]

[I'm not talking, I'm typing.]

Xie Shuyu replied.

Wen Wan got worked up again, threatening: [I'll block you, believe me.]

In over twenty years of knowing each other, blocking and deleting had been a frequent occurrence between them, when tempers flared, neither held back.

It was also a kind of security, a certainty that their relationship would never truly be severed.

As for what had caused it before, whether it was both blocking and deleting, only blocking without deleting, or deleting without blocking, they'd long since forgotten, and there was no need to remember so clearly.

But the last time had been because Wen Wan started dating someone.

The message sent, Wen Wan immediately realized her mistake and hastily retracted it. But the moment she retracted it, she regretted that too.

What was she doing? What did she have to feel guilty about? She walked upright and sat straight, had never done anything shameful.

She shouldn't have retracted it. Wen Wan bit her finger, watching the top of the chat window rapidly switch from "typing..." status. She waited half a minute, still nothing.

Xie Shuyu must have seen it. She must be angry.

But so what? What did that Xie have to be so high and mighty about? So Wen Wan sent the retracted message again.

From work to the dormitory was only two subway stops. Xie Shuyu scanned her code to exit the station, laughing at Wen Wan's antics.

[Are you okay?]

So embarrassing! So embarrassing! Wen Wan paced around the room, screaming "Ahhh!"

But it wasn't a total loss, Xie Shuyu had replied, hadn't left her hanging.

The two had known each other for so many years, disagreements were inevitable, and arguments weren't rare. But most of the time, they weren't serious, just trading words back and forth, bantering for fun.

As kids, they often made harsh declarations like "cutting ties completely," putting on quite a show, pressing two index fingers together, arms stretched out, gritting their back teeth, chins raised high, thrusting their hands in front of each other demanding a chop. Only after both had "chopped" did they count as truly broken up.

But that was all just playing around. The next day, things went back to normal.

Xie Shuyu was used to going to Wen Wan's house every morning to wake her up and pack her schoolbag, and Wen Wan was used to dozing off in Xie Shuyu's arms on the bus, even making her stand guard outside the bathroom door between classes.

From childhood on, they were as close as one person, until Xie Shuyu was in grad school and Wen Wan announced she was dating. Xie Shuyu, being considerate, "disappeared." She stopped arguing with Wen Wan, stopped playing the childish games of blocking and deleting, and even went a long stretch without seeing her face.

The women's dormitory assigned by the magazine was a spacious suite of over a hundred square meters. Xie Shuyu was the first to move in. She'd originally chosen a small room with a window facing northeast, but Zuo Ye came to help and absolutely refused to let her. She put all of Xie Shuyu's things in the master bedroom, quickly swapped the bedding with Xu Huiyin, leaving Xie Shuyu no chance to decline.

The master bedroom was spacious, with good natural light and an en-suite bathroom. In Zuo Ye's words, Xie Shuyu was a bit of a pushover, her sense of self-worth was sorely lacking. If left to her own devices, she would inevitably pick the worst option, which was why Zuo Ye had taken the liberty of deciding for her.

Xie Shuyu understood that her friends just wanted her to live well. She had been a little uneasy about moving into the master bedroom at first, but three months passed and no second person ever showed up in the dormitory.

The magazine agency had stable staffing and no current plans to expand. The older colleagues, the ones with families, all went home to live.

Xie Shuyu had a home too, but she simply didn't want to go back. Living in the dormitory was fine. She had saved up some money over the years of working, and she took on freelance projects when she had time, planning to eventually buy a small apartment for herself.

Against the wall of the room stood a large wardrobe. Across from the nightstand was a bed, one and a half meters wide, a standard size. At the foot of the bed, by the window, sat a huge height-adjustable desk in an L-shape, which served as her work area. One side held a computer, keyboard, and drawing tablet, while the other was her hand-drawing zone.

Looking up, a row of small cabinets hung on the wall, filled with art supplies and books.

Thank goodness for Zuo Ye, otherwise, with all her stuff, she'd barely have room to turn around in a small bedroom.

At the very least, she'd need to buy a two-bedroom place, Xie Shuyu mused while showering. One bedroom, one studio. A small balcony would be ideal, she could grow some flowers and plants, good for observation...

She was mapping out her future little home in her mind, the steam making her vision hazy. When Xie Shuyu came out of the shower, she accidentally kicked a cardboard box.

The layout of this place was ridiculous, the living room was big enough to be a swimming pool if filled with water, while the bedroom was the size of a bird dropping. She let out a pained hiss, took a long stride forward, and collapsed onto the bed.

Clutching her big toe, she curled up like a boiled shrimp. After lying on the bed for a moment to recover, Xie Shuyu got up, her face flushed red.

In the cardboard box by the corner of the wall were birthday gifts she had prepared for Wen Wan, little trinkets she had collected over the past year: fridge magnets, plush toys, books, and small handmade crafts she'd made in her spare time.

Her hair towel was wrapped a bit too tightly, pulling at the corners of her eyes. Her cream-yellow bear pajamas hung loose and baggy on her. She grabbed her phone, wanting to send Wen Wan a message.

The curtains weren't drawn. Her figure was hidden in the double-layered hollow glass, her shadow fuzzy, unmoving for a long while.

Wen Wan had left this city nearly four years ago. They saw each other less and less, no matter how deep the feelings, time wore them down. Besides, people changed.

She already had her own life now. Why keep clinging on, with all these petty little moods?

Xie Shuyu looked down at her foot. That kick had been completely unguarded, if not for the cardboard box, she'd definitely have broken skin.

[That hurt.]

She still couldn't let it go. She sent the message to the group chat, as if implying something.

[Where'd you bump yourself?]

Wen Wan was the first to appear.

During the day, being scolded had felt oddly satisfying. Now she was inexplicably irritated. Xie Shuyu replied coolly.

[I'm fine.]

Wen Wan stared at her phone and let out a cold laugh.

[Then you probably bumped your head.]

[Probably.]

Xie Shuyu let her say whatever she wanted.

Zuo Ye found the two of them amusing and sent a meme of [watching the idiots].

Then Xu Huiyin brought up Wen Wan's birthday, saying she'd just bought her high-speed rail ticket. She reminded Wen Wan to check the time on the text message, she'd drive over to pick her up, and they'd all head to the station together.

Monday was Wen Wan's birthday, and everyone had work, so they'd agreed to celebrate it for her on Saturday and Sunday.

When Xu Huiyin's message came through, Wen Wan stared at her phone, not daring to breathe.

After a long moment, Xie Shuyu's "Okay" popped up. Wen Wan fell back onto the bed, her palms slick with sweat.

She had been in a terrible state today. Every exchange with Xie Shuyu had been cautious, afraid the other would notice something off. She talked too much, was too out of character, and couldn't keep her composure.

Fleeing her hometown, living alone in an unfamiliar city, these past few years, Wen Wan's career wasn't something she loved, but she was diligent and responsible enough. With her striking looks and flexible social skills, she was well on her way to being promoted to marketing department manager.

She thought she could do it. After leaving her parents, after leaving Xie Shuyu, she really had managed.

But one phone call from her, and the meticulously crafted image of a high-quality elite woman crumbled in an instant. She flew into a rage, cursing out loud, and the defensive wall built up by time collapsed in a single moment.

She was utterly defeated.

Yet Xie Shuyu's various subtle reactions reignited a flicker of hope.

Or perhaps "delusion" was the more accurate word.

The desk lamp's light strained to fill the entire room, but it always felt hollow. The walls, the bay window, the vanity mirror, even the nightstand closest to her, after all these years, none had accumulated much clutter. Even basic soft furnishings like plush toys or wall art were lacking.

Did this emptiness, in a way, suggest that she had never really planned to stay long?

Xie Shuyu was about to come. There was really nothing to be nervous about.

Although they'd seen each other less these past few years, they'd never missed each other's major birthdays or holiday gatherings. They argued, they bickered, but when they met, they smiled and exchanged greetings. Nothing was too big to get past.

Why was she nervous?

She tossed and turned, unable to sleep, her mind a jumble of chaotic thoughts. At nearly three in the morning, Wen Wan couldn't take it anymore and swallowed two melatonin pills.

She closed her eyes, and memories surfaced, the carefree days of their youth when they had been inseparable. In an instant, her body seemed to sink into the depths of the sea, carried by the currents into another world.

The setting sun painted the sky in resplendent, gorgeous hues, as if soaked in sweet pink sparkling water. Palm trees rustled in the breeze, the beach was empty, and a faint scent of white tea lingered at the tip of her nose.

A familiar, reassuring scent. Wen Wan turned her face, unprepared, and her lips were captured.

Instinctively, she reached out, wrapping her arms around the other's waist, urgently trying to hold on to something. She parted her lips, tilted her neck up, letting those fine, dense kisses scatter across her body, even craving more.

How strange, she had never kissed anyone like this. The kind from childhood, of course, didn't count. It felt unfamiliar, yet reassuring. The absurd scene and figures, the shifting clouds, breathtakingly beautiful, she bared herself without reservation.

......

The medication leaflet stated in detail: Melatonin is an amino hormone secreted by the pineal gland in the brain, which can be artificially synthesized, and its most notable effect is improving sleep.

But it also has side effects. It may create dependence, cause hormonal imbalances, increase the burden on the liver, and even affect the menstrual cycle.

And also.

Vivid dreams, easy waking.

Wen Wan grabbed the water glass by the bedside and gulped down several mouthfuls. Cold droplets slid quickly down her neck into her collar, but they couldn't dispel the heat flooding her body.

She couldn't figure it out no matter how she thought, how could she, how could she...

Wen Wan had a secret. She dreamed that she and her most beloved best friend in this life, did that.

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