CHAPTER 13

Before the war, if I said I made boiled potatoes for my child, everyone would feel sorry for Li Haohao.

When people reminisced about "mom's cooking," it was often filled with emotions—homely, abundant, and nutritionally rich. But when Li Haohao thought about the meals I made, it was either oatmeal porridge or various kinds of mush.

With these thoughts, the water had already submerged the fries. I used a ladle to press down on them, and the water gradually heated up. The fries became soft and mushy, getting crushed by the ladle. I stared at the crushed fries, and suddenly, I remembered the worms in Zhan Yicheng's eyes.

I closed my eyes, and my eyes started to itch again. I just need to collect myself for a moment.

That's how I muddled through life.

One shouldn't be too stubborn in life, it was because I was too stubborn that led me down the wrong path, turning me into a pollutant.

Steam rushed up, and I kept my eyes shut. Li Haohao had squatted by my feet at some point, using a soft cloth in her left hand to wipe her light bulb, occasionally glancing at what was in the pot.

"After we finish eating, I'll help you wipe it."

"Wiping won't help, it's already cracked."

"What if it gets smashed now? Won't you be in danger too?"

"That's normal."

I was just trying to test her, but I didn't expect Li Haohao to respond like that.

The ladle stirred the mushy fries, and I glanced at her. She said, "I think it's normal."

"Okay."

Li Haohao followed my rules very obediently, doing normal things to maintain sanity in an abnormal world.

People who lose their sanity end up like Zhan Yicheng, lingering in their polluted areas, half-human and half-ghost. People who retain their sanity eat french fry soup.

I accepted Li Haohao's definition of "normal" based on her own logic.

"Want some meat?" I suggested, and Li Haohao immediately agreed. She stood up abruptly, and I pressed her back into her seat and went to the basement myself.

Let's bring out the canned luncheon meat from earlier.

I diced the luncheon meat into small pieces, simmered a sauce, and scooped out the mashed potatoes, pouring the luncheon meat sauce on top.

Li Haohao felt dizzy for a moment. "You're crazy."

"What?"

"If we eat this all up, won't we have no meat left for the future?"

She said that, but she didn't have the slightest thought of saving some for later. Spoonful after spoonful, she shoveled it down quickly, as if she didn't care if there would be another meal.

As I thought about what to say, she had already lifted the pot and carefully scraped the edges with a spoon, licking them clean.

"Not enough to eat?"

"Hungry."

Her appetite today was much larger than usual. I suggested that she could cook some oatmeal porridge to eat, and she didn't mind. She got up and boiled the water to cook the porridge, and then she ate a whole pot of it.

After the meal, I took out a roll of crack-resistant oil from the toolbox and applied it to a cloth. When Li Haohao finished washing the pot, I gestured for her to lay down in front of me.

She obediently lay down on my lap, and the light bulb followed, hanging down. I bent down and used the oiled cloth to wipe her light bulb.

"Does it feel better?"

"I don't feel much."

Even so, I insisted on applying oil and wiping her light bulb. The cracks didn't look as noticeable, but the light was still dimmed.

"Let me clean your ears while we're at it." I grabbed her and she tilted her head. With the light from the bulb, I could see inside her ears clearly.

The first time I cleaned her ears was not long after she arrived. when I was giving her a bath.

She sat on a stool while I tied up her messy long hair and washed her back, which was damp from the water. She had many scattered shallow scars on her body. I applied gentle force, and her skin was soft, with no calluses on her hands and feet. It was as delicate and tender as a petal.

After the bath, she turned her head with her high ponytail and looked at me, seemingly lost in thought. Then she pointed to her ears and said, "Water got in."

I said I would wipe it for her.

Li Haohao hesitated for a while, rested her head on my lap, closed her eyes, and breathed slowly and evenly.

I had many different ways to snapped her neck, and that day I did have some of those thoughts.

Because when we first met, she was lying there in the wilderness, naked, in the dangerous grass.

The vast city collapsed like ruins, disappearing into nothingness.

She stood up and looked at me, and I realized I was being targeted, seized by immense fear. In the next second, my blood would boil, causing me to explode. Suddenly, I felt suffocated in the protective suit.

So I crouched down and unbuttoned the boots one by one, closed the breathing valves, and took off the protective suit from my head, folding it and placing it aside. I put the boots in order, and to avoid dirtying my socks, I took them off and stuffed them into the boot shaft.

The feeling of being targeted by fear disappeared, and unexpectedly, it was quiet all around. There was no movement of the creatures, no pollution. It seemed like an ordinary place, overgrown with grass.

I walked down from the highway, stepping on the grass with bare feet, gradually approaching Li Haohao.

I didn't know why I wanted to get closer at that time. Perhaps it was because instinct told me to, and there was no way to retreat.

Her mouth was slightly open, bleeding, and her tongue, split in half by shards of glass, protruded like a snake's forked tongue. She examined me.

"Hello, I'm a researcher at the outpost over there. My name is He Ran. How can I help you?"

She looked at my outstretched hand warily and cautiously.

Then she expressionlessly allowed me to grab her arm and bring her into the car, where I struggled to put on a protective suit.

The car drove back to the outpost.

When I came to my senses, I knew I should find an opportunity to get rid of her, but... that day, Li Haohao rested her head on my knee with her eyes closed, and I gave up on taking action. After that, I never thought about those things again.

She's still just a child, and she doesn't understand many human norms. Though she can be stubborn, most of the time she listens, and taking care of her makes me feel normal. Even if she's not normal... rebellious kids are often not normal. It's okay, everything is normal.

"After cleaning your ears, go wash your feet and then mop the floor." I pointed at her bloody soles.

Li Haohao hummed in annoyance, "Ugh."

"Don't bargain with me." I patted her, and she changed her position. I squinted as I cleaned her other ear, then I patted her to go do her tasks.

As she worked, I examined the bulletin board that I had neglected all this time.

The bulletin board was hidden behind the protective suits that covered the walls. I took off one set of protective clothing, and the bulletin board was fully revealed.

Daomiao A4C2 Guard Duty Schedule

The first row had two side-by-side severed profile pictures.

Commander: ??

Research Director: ??

The second row had four severed profile pictures, including myself.

I was the first one on the left, with the plastic film cut by a sharp object. I tried to piece it back together, but when I touched it, I suddenly remembered that I didn't cut it. Who did it again? I couldn't remember anymore.

The third row had: Mechanic: ??, Comms officer: ??, Logistics Officer: ??

I found a few pieces of paper and cut them into small squares, then wrote down the names I could recall and stuck them onto the board.

Researcher: He Ran

Mechanic: Zhao Xinyan

Logistics Officer: Zhan Yicheng

After thinking for a moment, I added an extra piece of paper at the end of the logistics officer row, with a doodle of Li Haohao as a cartoon, with fluffy hair and big eyes.

Firefighter: Li Haohao.

"Why is it a firefighter? What is a firefighter?"

"If there's a fire, you'll be responsible for putting it out."

"But if there's a fire, the circulation machine will extinguish it itself."

"I mean... if one day the outpost becomes abnormal, could you help me make it a little more normal?"

"What?"

"You know, a pollutant, strong within its own area, more likely to cause pollution... just like Zhan Yicheng wouldn't go down to the basement to pollute. The outpost is my place, and if there ever comes a day... then, you... treat me... like how you dealt with Zhao Xinyan... get rid of me, and then you can go wherever you want..."

My consciousness became a bit fuzzy, and when I snapped out of it, Li Haohao was still cleaning the floor, not coming over to ask me anything. I had gotten lost in my own fantasies.

I pinched my brow suddenly.

Li Haohao finished mopping and ran over, "Firefighter? What's a firefighter?"

"It's someone who helps out."

"Oh, so it's like mopping the floor."

"Something like that, sometimes I'll also need you to help me carry things."

"Okay," she looked at the remaining blank spaces on the bulletin board, feeling a bit regretful. She looked at me, and I could only purse my lips, indicating my helplessness. She didn't ask further and stared at her own portrait for a while, then grabbed my arm, "Cat."

"Cat?" Suddenly bringing this up again?

I took out that photo, something I left behind before the war. Li Haohao pointed at me and the cat, her mouth pouting for a moment, gathering her thoughts, and finally said, "This one looks real, but this one, it's supposed to be me, but it doesn't look like me."

"That's a photograph."

"Can I have a photograph?"

There were no cameras in the outpost. During the war, there were some brave journalists who ran to the frontline to record everything, but they disappeared. In the midst of the shells, in hunger, they disappeared.

Cameras didn't disappear, but they weren't cheap even before the war, and after the war...

Li Haohao could tell I was in a difficult position and demanded paper and pen from me. She clumsily drew something on a blank sheet.

A low ponytail, dead fish eyes, hands in pockets, lips pressed into a line.

I watched as she stuck this ugly thing on the "Researcher He Ran" label, holding back from saying anything.

She wanted me to draw Zhao Xinyan and Zhan Yicheng too.

Zhan Yicheng was easy to draw, a crew cut, grinning toothily.

As for Zhao Xinyan... his body was in the freezer room. I remembered his appearance clearly, but I just couldn't draw it.

Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that I was the one who killed Zhao Xinyan.

I closed my eyes briefly, and Li Haohao took the pen and drew an ugly thing with short hair, sticking it above Zhao Xinyan's name.

Zhao Xinyan's hair is slightly longer than Zhan Yicheng's, always dull and lifeless. Our relationship is neither close nor distant, we are just ordinary colleagues.

There were nine of us in total.

Six people died in the same pollution incident... or was it five? I don't remember well.

The remaining two people were killed by me: Zhao Xinyan and the other, who was she again? I only remember she was a researcher, and our relationship wasn't particularly good... Her position was...

My finger touched the empty seat of the third researcher, tapping it, contemplating.

Li Haohao suddenly spoke up, "He Ran."

"Hmm?"

"I think I've seen this person before." She pointed to the location where my finger was.

"Can you see her face clearly?"

"I don't know, but she also has a researcher's badge on her chest."

"Where did you see her?"

"In my room."

Her room is the men's changing room, and there... Ah, it really is this person.

Li Haohao quickly drew while speaking, "Sometimes, she would come out and talk to me."

"What does she say?"

"At first, she didn't speak. It was during the week when my ears grew longer that I heard her speak."

"Why didn't she speak before?"

"She didn't speak well."

A girl with two thick braids appeared vividly on the paper. Li Haohao drew her as poorly as ever, with the braids and glasses.

This girl, apart from the research director, has the highest education level in our outpost. She is qualified to be a real researcher.

As I recalled, Li Haohao said, "She said, 'Be careful of He Ran.' I thought she didn't say it well, so I didn't tell you."

"Oh." I didn't know how to respond to that.

Now, five cartoon faces suddenly appeared on the bulletin board. Li Haohao flexed her fingers, and the light bulb flickered on and off, continuously flashing.

She couldn't deduce any other information from it and turned back to me with a smile. "I want to go to their room and take a look."

"You're unusually curious today."

Li Haohao pointed at the light bulb. "Today, I'm smart."

"No." I refused her, and she pleaded for a moment but realized that my attitude was firm, so she didn't insist.

However, she was used to bargaining, so she immediately brought up the incident from this morning. "The greenhouse is so dangerous, and you tricked me into going in."

"I didn't know it would be like that inside."

"Well, you don't know about the other rooms either, right?"

"No, I'm not very familiar with them."

"Then let me help you clean..."

"Your light isn't working."

She touched the light bulb and took a deep breath. "I want to eat meat."

"But you just ate, didn't you?"

"I want to read, go to the basement, I want to go outside..." She listed all her requests in one go. But going outside was not possible because her light bulb didn't allow her to wear protective clothing. Reading was not an option either. Last time, reading comics caused the light bulb to grow longer. If she read something else, I couldn't guarantee what would grow out of so many words.

Neither option was feasible. Li Haohao was shocked that I had brought her to a dangerous place again today and hurt her without any willingness to compensate. She opened her mouth for a while, then finally cupped her face in her hands and tilted her head.

"Hmm?"

"Being cute, I want to eat meat." She intended to increase her bargaining chip, but I told her that she wasn't particularly cute without cat ears at the moment. Li Haohao completely failed and disappointedly went into the locker room and lay down.

So, the men's changing room is also a polluted area? I stood outside the door, watching Li Haohao throwing a tantrum and falling asleep. I didn't know whether I should go in or not, so I simply put my hands in my pockets, maintained composure, and went upstairs to work.

I turned on the radio, remembering that it used to be the job of a comms officer, and then turned it off.

Zhan Yicheng made me start recalling my former colleagues. I didn't want to remember them; forgetting was a protection for my sanity. But they inevitably surfaced in my mind. I leaned back in my chair and wrote a report.

Perhaps being able to remember them and remain composed was also a test for me.

Zhao Xinyan, whom I killed, surprisingly didn't make me lose my sanity. It was a good start.

However, I can't casually bring Li Haohao into the areas I've already inspected anymore.

I need to check them all again, one by one.

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