CHAPTER 137

Qin Yinong's right hand occasionally fell onto her left hand, twisting the ring on her ring finger. This had happened at least three times since Guan Han approached her to escort her upstairs.

Was she intending to wear it? Or did she want to take it off?

Or... Guan Han's eyebrow raised imperceptibly, thinking it was a way to relieve nervousness?

Finally, her CP (couple pairing) was going to break through this layer of paper and be together! Even Guan Han could see it. Just before Qin Yinong went upstairs, she had intentionally locked eyes with Tang Ruoyao, and there was definitely something significant in her gaze.

Ding—

The elevator doors opened.

Qin Yinong seemed to snap back to reality and muttered to herself, "We're already here so soon." There was a hint of sadness in her expression.

Guan Han hadn't decided whether or not to respond to her comment when Qin Yinong's eyes half-lowered, and she was the first to step out of the elevator. Guan Han followed a half-step behind her. They swiped the card to enter the room, and Guan Han placed Qin Yinong's bag and phone on the table.

Qin Yinong said lightly, "You can leave. I don't need you here for now. If you're bored, you can go downstairs and play with those kids. I'll call you if I need anything."

Guan Han replied, "Okay."

Qin Yinong stopped her again, "You said last time that you could destroy the cameras in the corridor?"

Guan Han hesitated for a moment and said, "Yes."

Qin Yinong didn't even lift her eyelids much and still spoke indifferently, "Then go ahead and destroy them."

Guan Han's breath hitched, and she said, "Okay."

She was so happy!

Qin Yinong said, "You can go."

Guan Han quickly left and began her plan of destruction, making sure to finish before Tang Ruoyao went upstairs.

After Guan Han left, Qin Yinong sighed in the empty room.

Out of habit, she fetched a bottle of wine from the wine cabinet, added ice cubes to the glass, and as her lips pressed against the cool rim of the glass, her movement paused. She slowly put the glass down. She had decided to quit drinking after finishing filming, she couldn't drink anymore.

Besides, Tang Ruoyao would be here soon, and she would surely worry if she saw Qin Yinong drinking.

Qin Yinong closed her eyes briefly, then opened them, her gaze fixed on the shimmering liquid in the light, a light amber color that resembled Tang Ruoyao's eyes.

Qin Yinong smiled, lifted the cup again, took a shallow sip, just one sip, and then put it down without touching it again.

The phone on the table buzzed.

Qin Yinong picked it up and glanced at it. A string of unfamiliar but now familiar numbers was flashing on the display. Guan Han had shown it to her twice today, and she had hung up twice. Qin Yinong tapped the power button twice on the shut-off button, and the screen returned to the main interface. The system recognized her face, and Qin Yinong swiped to unlock it, entering the call log.

The log showed that every half hour to an hour, the other party would make a phone call. It had already happened six times by now.

A sense of foreboding instinctively rose in Qin Yinong. She planned to block the number in the upper right corner, but the other party didn't follow the pattern. The phone buzzed again.

Qin Yinong chose to answer, held her breath, and didn't speak.

"Is this Qin Yinong?" the person on the other end asked.

Qin Yinong's breath started to become unstable. She moved the phone a little farther away, back to where her childhood began, the source of her nightmares. No matter how many years had passed, no matter how many days and nights she had experienced, even though she no longer feared that powerless and angry man, she couldn't resist her instincts, couldn't escape the shadows of the past.

She coldly said, "How did you get my number? Who gave it to you?"

The person on the other side laughed, a laughter that was old and hoarse, yet filled with a mad sense of satisfaction.

Qin Yinong's heart skipped a beat, her eyes bloodshot. She almost gritted her teeth as she called out that person's name, "Qin Hongjian!"

.....

The phone disconnected for some unknown reason. Whether she hung up in her anger or the other side hung up, Qin Yinong didn't know. When Qin Yinong regained her consciousness, there were several empty bottles lying haphazardly in front of her.

She felt a delayed pain in the palm of her hand. Qin Yinong's eyebrow twitched, and she looked down. Her pupils suddenly contracted.

The glass cup had shattered into many pieces, and she clenched them in her palm. One drop at a time, fresh blood dripped along the lines of her palm, staining it blood-red.

Qin Yinong's expression turned blank as she stared at the pool of blood.

Then, as if she had suddenly seen something terrifying, a look of horror appeared on her face. She quickly retreated, falling backward along with the chair onto the floor. Ignoring the pain in her back, she crawled and rolled into the bathroom, turning on the tap and letting the water flow at its maximum, neurotically rinsing the bloodstains on her palm.

The glass cup was thick, and the shards were large. The wound was deep, and there were many glass fragments embedded inside. She should remove the glass first and then clean it, but Qin Yinong seemed to have suddenly lost her common sense, her rationality. She just kept rinsing it with water, the blood flowing slower than the water, and the blood color became lighter, almost looking like it had stopped bleeding.

Qin Yinong closed her eyes heavily, and the buzzing noise in her ears disappeared.

She turned off the faucet with her uninjured left hand and grabbed a towel from the shelf to wrap around her right hand. She intended to call Guan Han to come and help her with the wound. She wanted to take care of it herself, but this time it was more severe than the last, and Guan Han was nearby. She would rather endure a scolding if it meant avoiding the risk of mishandling the wound and causing an infection. Her hand couldn't afford any mistakes.

Qin Yinong straightened the wine bottles, found Guan Han's number in her phone contacts, but suddenly heard footsteps in the corridor.

Qin Yinong lowered her head to check the time on her phone and realized that more than half an hour had passed.

Oh no.

Tang Ruoyao had arrived! Hopefully, she wouldn't knock on the door right away!

Ignoring the pain in her right hand, Qin Yinong grabbed the towel in her hand and wiped the blood from the table, gathering all the wine bottles and placing them in the corner. She stood her suitcase upright to block the view. Then she opened the window, which was already slightly ajar, to its fullest, filling the room with the strong scent of perfume.

After completing all of this, she leaned against the wall, the towel in her right hand stained with a large patch of fresh blood. She hid the bloodstained towel in the bathroom and, after a moment of thought, stepped into the shower and turned on the showerhead.

Hot water poured down.

.....

Tang Ruoyao indeed didn't knock on the door immediately. She had to go back to her room first to get the birthday present she had prepared for Qin Yinong—an necklace and a love letter. One was in a gift bag, and the other was on her bedside table.

Tang Ruoyao carefully checked the love letter, making sure there were no missing or misplaced pages. She had written so much, afraid that Qin Yinong would find it messy or that she herself had made a careless mistake, so she considerately marked the page numbers.

She took both gifts and took a few steps outside, but then turned back and put the thick book of the love letter back. Today was just an early celebration, Qin Yinong's actual birthday hadn't arrived yet. Tang Ruoyao had checked her schedule and knew that she could at least squeeze out an afternoon and evening, regardless of whether Qin Yinong had any work commitments. She could be by her side during that time and personally give her the gifts as her rightful girlfriend.

Tang Ruoyao weighed the gift bag containing the necklace, standing in front of Qin Yinong's closed door. Nervously and apprehensively, she raised her hand, habitually looked up at the blinking red light on the corridor camera, only to find that the constant blinking was gone.

A trace of doubt flashed through Tang Ruoyao's mind.

She didn't have time to think about it further and withdrew her gaze, knocking on the door.

Knock, knock, knock—

"Just a moment," a gentle and soft female voice responded.

Tang Ruoyao's heart suddenly started beating rapidly, her palms sweaty. She had to switch hands and rub the paper bag against her clothes.

She took a deep breath.

The room door opened in front of her, revealing a tall and slender woman wearing a snow-white robe. Her long hair was wet and draped behind her, with rosy cheeks and a lingering mist-like steam on her body. In her right hand, she held a large towel, slightly damp. Tang Ruoyao realized that Qin Yinong must have been drying her hair before she came in.

Tang Ruoyao paused for a moment and asked, "Are you taking a shower?"

Qin Yinong smiled and replied, "Yes."

Tang Ruoyao's face showed a hint of awkwardness. She bit her lip and said, "Then I..."

Qin Yinong stepped aside, making way for her, and said, "Please come in."

Tang Ruoyao thanked her politely and took small steps inside.

Two single women, sharing a room, and she had taken a shower specifically for this occasion, with a pleasant fragrance filling the air. Tang Ruoyao couldn't help but let her thoughts wander to happy things.

If only she had known, she would have taken a shower too. Tang Ruoyao regretfully thought, but then she reconsidered and thought, it's fine, she could shower here. After all, it didn't matter whether she was dressed or not. They had seen each other so many times in an open and honest manner, there was nothing they hadn't seen.

Lost in her thoughts, Tang Ruoyao's mind wandered, and she temporarily overlooked the overpowering fragrance in the air, mingled with a faint smell of alcohol and blood.

The room had a small sofa and a coffee table.

Qin Yinong politely said, "Please have a seat."

"Thank you." Tang Ruoyao shyly sat down on a single sofa.

Qin Yinong sat across from her, the large towel still draped over her hair, resting on her knees, while her right hand remained hidden beneath it.

Tang Ruoyao met her gaze, looking at the beautiful face illuminated by the light, and her heart overflowed with tenderness. She opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but couldn't help but burst into laughter first.

She loved Qin Yinong, and Qin Yinong loved her. It couldn't get any better than this.

Qin Yinong tilted her head and asked gently, "Hmm?"

Tang Ruoyao raised both hands and handed over the gift bag, saying, "This is your birthday present."

"Thank you." Qin Yinong took it with her left hand. Following the etiquette she remembered, she asked, "Can I open it now?" Even though it might be a bit difficult with only one hand.

Tang Ruoyao replied, "Wait for a moment. I have something to tell you."

Qin Yinong placed the bag beside her feet.

"Go ahead, tell me." she said.

Tang Ruoyao cleared her throat, having rehearsed the words countless times in private. But when the moment came to say them out loud, her hands couldn't help but tremble, and her breath became short.

She looked into Qin Yinong's eyes, took a deep breath, and earnestly said, "I like you. Would you be my girlfriend?"

The room fell silent.

The young woman spoke with great solemnity and effort, enunciating each word clearly, which created a slight echo.

After the echo subsided, Qin Yinong remained silent.

Ten seconds passed.

Qin Yinong met her gaze, not avoiding or evading it, but still remained silent.

Tang Ruoyao's heart skipped a beat, and uneasiness began to creep in.

But she couldn't grasp Qin Yinong's thoughts, much like the past few days, where a sense of powerlessness and emptiness had dominated her emotions.

What's going on?

One minute later, Tang Ruoyao placed her hand on the armrest of the sofa, intending to stand up.

Qin Yinong finally spoke, her voice unusually calm, "Do you know who I am right now?"

Who are you?

Without hesitation, Tang Ruoyao replied, "Qin Yinong."

Qin Yinong asked, "And have you been able to determine who you are during this time? Is it Tang Ruoyao confessing to me, or is it Han Zifei confessing to Shen Muqing?"

Tang Ruoyao answered decisively, "It's me confessing to you." Fearful that it might not be clear enough, she corrected herself, "It's me, Tang Ruoyao, confessing to you, Qin Yinong."

"Good." Qin Yinong locked her gaze onto her, her eyes piercing, and said, "Let me ask you again, since we started filming, has it been Tang Ruoyao loving me or Han Zifei loving Shen Muqing? You had already given up on me before we started filming, hadn't you?"

Tang Ruoyao's mind buzzed.

She knew where the problem lay.

She was aware of her tendency to blur the lines between reality and acting, especially in the latter stages of a story when her emotions fluctuated. In order to immerse herself in the character, she would allow Han Zifei to dominate her, distancing herself from Qin Yinong several times, causing her to become anxious and uncertain.

No wonder she had been acting so strangely lately. It turned out she was worried that she only liked Qin Yinong because of their on-screen romance. Was she really that casual of a person? If she hadn't liked her from the beginning, who would have bothered to entangle themselves with her for so long?

Then Tang Ruoyao smiled and said, "At that time, I didn't know you well enough. The time we spent together on set gave me a chance to truly understand you, and that's why I fell in love with you and decided to pursue you."

Qin Yinong remained unmoved by her confession and asked, "So, when you were Han Zifei, did you love Shen Muqing?"

Tang Ruoyao honestly replied, "Yes."

Qin Yinong said, "So, you loved two people at the same time?"

"No, I didn't," Tang Ruoyao countered logically, "I love you, and Han Zifei loves Shen Muqing, who is played by you. Both of them are you, so what's the difference? Even if I got too immersed in the role, I love you both on and off the screen."

"It's different." Qin Yinong's palm was bleeding, and she folded a towel and placed it on her right hand, speaking calmly, "Now you have two kinds of love for me: one is Tang Ruoyao's love for Qin Yinong, and the other is Han Zifei's love for Shen Muqing."

"Yes."

"Which one is stronger?"

Tang Ruoyao fell silent.

How could she distinguish between the two?

"Does it matter?" Tang Ruoyao asked. She vaguely felt that things were not as simple as she had thought.

"It matters," Qin Yinong nodded. "You've been in the entertainment industry for so many years, and you should know that there are countless couples who develop real feelings through acting. Some of them end up getting married and are widely known, but many more break up in a bitter manner. Even if they get married, as time goes by, not many of them can have a fulfilling relationship."

Tang Ruoyao seized the loophole and immediately retorted, "Even if it's not due to acting, there aren't many relationships in real life that stay happy forever. You can't use individual cases to argue." Afraid that Qin Yinong would counter her, she quickly added, "We won't be like that. I have confidence."

Qin Yinong remained calm, with a faint smile, "You don't need to rush to defend yourself. Let me finish."

Tang Ruoyao's frantic heart gradually calmed down, but it never fully settled.

Qin Yinong continued, "Actors easily develop real feelings for each other because when they play a couple on screen, they become more and more immersed in their roles as the plot progresses. So, they develop real feelings for their on-screen 'partners.' Director Han was afraid that I would get caught up in it too, so he taught me that if you truly fall in love with someone from the story, you shouldn't immediately be together after filming ends. Instead, you should give yourself and the other person some time to cool off and wait for the perfect filter of the character to fade away, then determine if the real person is the one you truly want."

Tang Ruoyao firmly said, "I don't need time. I'm certain that you are the one I want."

Qin Yinong circled back to that question, looking into her eyes and slowly asked, "In your love, is it Han Zifei's love for Shen Muqing that is stronger, or Tang Ruoyao's love for Qin Yinong? If it's Han Zifei's love for Shen Muqing that is stronger, what makes you so sure that I am the one you want?"

Her gaze was gentle, with a hint of sadness, and Tang Ruoyao suddenly found herself speechless.

Qin Yinong said, "As time goes by, when you completely detach from the character, Han Zifei's love for Shen Muqing fades away. How much of your love for me remains? I'm not perfect, but in Han Zifei's eyes, Shen Muqing is perfect. The person you see now is me, heavily filtered and beautified in countless ways. Once we're out of the movie, are you certain you'll still feel the same?"

"I..." Tang Ruoyao struggled to find her words.

No, it's not like that. I will always love you, she convinced herself in her heart. But she realized she couldn't refute Qin Yinong's words.

The bleeding from the palm of her hand grew more and more, causing increasing pain. Qin Yinong tightly wrapped two more layers of towel around it, sweat beads forming on her forehead as the steam from the shower dissipated, revealing a pale complexion.

She discreetly sighed, then changed the direction of the conversation and asked, "Why did you pursue me? Why did you persistently pursue me despite being rejected and hurt by me over and over again?"

Tang Ruoyao's voice became much softer than before as she said, "I like you. I've liked you for a long time. I'm not lying to you."

"That's not what I'm asking," Qin Yinong rephrased her question. "Why were you so persistent in pursuing me? After being hurt and rejected by me repeatedly, you still walked towards me with determination. Why?"

Tang Ruoyao didn't initially understand. She was stunned for a moment, and then the color drained from her face, leaving her lips pale.

Qin Yinong bitterly smiled.

Tang Ruoyao could hardly meet her gaze and lowered her head.

It was the courage that Han Zifei had given her, the courage to keep going even if she hit a wall and never looked back.

With her original personality, she would have given up long ago, whether it was before the movie started or after joining the cast. Qin Yinong's cold words and sarcasm, her revelation of having a child, her sudden departure, and every blow she delivered were difficult for the originally proud Tang Ruoyao to bear. Even if she reluctantly managed to coexist peacefully with Qin Yinong, she wouldn't have Han Zifei's unwavering faith, the determination to embrace her despite the thorns all over her body, even if it meant being covered in blood.

It wasn't Tang Ruoyao who broke down Qin Yinong's defenses and made the hedgehog willingly expose its vulnerable belly. It was because she got too deep into her role, and Han Zifei was bound to make the decision to go towards Shen Muqing, which led her to persistently follow the same path towards Qin Yinong, who played Shen Muqing.

So, that's how it is.

Tang Ruoyao sarcastically curled her lips.

Tang Ruoyao knew that she couldn't distinguish between the real and the fictional, and she also knew that Qin Yinong was heartbroken because of it. But until today, she had only thought that Qin Yinong was sad because she had distanced herself from her, and that everything would be fine after the movie was over. She wouldn't have to be Han Zifei anymore, she wouldn't have to do anything that made her feel wronged.

She thought she loved Qin Yinong deeply, loved her to the core, but she couldn't figure out whether it was her love for Qin Yinong in the movie that was stronger or her love for Qin Yinong outside of it. No wonder Qin Yinong felt so down during the day and always wanted her to remember her name.

She was just Qin Yinong, never confused, and loved herself from beginning to end. But she herself was divided into two, giving out two different kinds of love.

Tears slowly welled up in her eyes.

Qin Yinong let out a sigh that echoed in the room.

Tang Ruoyao raised her head, holding back her tears.

Qin Yinong saw her crying, her heart aching. She softened her tone and continued, "I have a mother, she's in her sixties and not in good health. Her hair has turned completely white, and she has a limp in one leg since she was young, making it difficult for her to walk. She needs someone to take care of her. I also have a daughter, she's three and a half years old, just started kindergarten. She's not my biological child, and she doesn't have a father, but she's as good as my own. I will raise her and help her grow up, establish herself, and start a family. These two people are irreplaceable in my life."

"I have a cousin, I've mentioned her to you before. We had a very close relationship, she was my pillar of support all along. She passed away three years ago, and it was a huge blow for me. I almost couldn't go on living. Later, I managed to barely hold on, mainly because she left behind a daughter, and it became my responsibility. Actually, I liked you a long time ago, probably even before you liked me." Qin Yinong smiled, like a child, and with a hint of pride she said, "You didn't know, did you?"

Tang Ruoyao's eyes suddenly turned red, and she whispered, "Hmm."

"One night, you kissed me while you were drunk. Do you remember?"

Tang Ruoyao nodded.

"At that time, I really wanted to kiss you back."

Tang Ruoyao's eyes inexplicably became more and more sour, and finally, a tear fell.

Qin Yinong firmly pressed her right hand, the towel turning slightly pink. She leaned over and pulled out a few tissues with her left hand, handing them to Tang Ruoyao, saying helplessly, "I didn't tell you this to make you cry."

"I know." Tang Ruoyao sniffed and spoke with a nasal voice.

Qin Yinong said, "But I'm afraid. Both my mother and my cousin had difficulties in their relationships, and it can be said that their lives were ruined because of it. I don't want to follow in their footsteps. I have always resisted the idea of love. Until I met you." Her gaze became particularly gentle.

"If my cousin hadn't passed away suddenly, maybe I would have been with you. Or if you had appeared two years earlier..." She thought for a moment, then shook her head and denied herself, saying, "No, it wouldn't have worked. If it had been earlier, I wouldn't have had enough strength to protect you." If it had been later, she would have already become a walking corpse, not moved by anyone.

After considering everything, Tang Ruoyao could only appear at that time. Because of Qin Luning's messy return to China, unwilling to accept reality, she escaped from home and created an eternal exile for herself.

She appeared at that time, and as they spent time together day and night, she fell in love with her. But just as she was wavering, bad news came: Qin Luning passed away. She completely closed herself off and cut off this budding affection.

Everything happened just right.

Blame it on the cruel fate playing tricks on them.

Qin Yinong looked up, took a deep breath, suppressed the bitterness at the back of her tongue, adjusted her mood, and slowly spoke, "I've been strict with you because I've experienced a lot of suffering in the industry before. I wanted you to have a smooth journey without any hardships from the outside world. All you need to do is focus on being an actress, performing your own roles, and doing anything you enjoy. You are the past that I can't make up for."

Tang Ruoyao murmured, "I'm sorry, I didn't know..."

Qin Yinong said, "My methods in the past were a bit extreme. I apologize to you."

Tang Ruoyao was almost overwhelmed by guilt and whispered, "I should be the one apologizing."

Qin Yinong waved her hand, indicating that it was unnecessary.

It took Tang Ruoyao a long time after entering the room to notice that Qin Yinong's right hand hadn't moved at all. She looked up at the woman and was shocked. Beads of sweat the size of soybeans rolled down the woman's fair forehead, her face pale as paper, and her lips even paler, frighteningly white.

She immediately stood up and said, "Qin Yinong—"

"Don't come closer." Qin Yinong pressed her left hand down, her gaze forcing Tang Ruoyao to sit back in her seat.

Tang Ruoyao was getting anxious and almost going crazy but dared not move. "What's wrong with you?"

Qin Yinong lowered her head and unwrapped layer after layer of wrapping on her right hand. The towel changed from white to light red, then deep red, revealing a palm covered in fresh blood. Tang Ruoyao's pupils contracted, and she tightly bit her lower lip.

Qin Yinong let out a mocking laugh.

"My biological father, Qin Hongjian, is the person I despise the most in my life, without a doubt. The one thing I hoped for the most when I was a child was for my mother to divorce him, but she never did. She tolerated that man, his alcoholism, domestic violence, repeatedly beating her and even me. She ended up with a limp in one leg, but it still wasn't enough to make her realize. She always said it would get better, that he wasn't like this before." Qin Yinong tilted her head, then suddenly asked, "Do you know what he was like before?"

Tang Ruoyao stared at Qin Yinong's hand, which was continuously dripping blood, and her worsening complexion. She was extremely anxious and asked, trying to cooperate, "What was he like?"

"My mother said he was a refined and elegant gentleman, ha, isn't it funny?" Qin Yinong laughed, but her smile was filled with bitterness. "He won't change. It's been over twenty years, and he's never gotten better."

Tang Ruoyao felt uncomfortable and couldn't bear it. "Please stop laughing."

Qin Yinong did stop laughing, adopting a calm tone. "Do you know how he became the way he is now?"

Tang Ruoyao had a gut feeling that she might not want to hear what was coming next, so she didn't answer and even tried to stand up to stop her. But Qin Yinong sternly shouted, "Listen to me until the end."

Tang Ruoyao dared not move and locked her eyes onto Qin Yinong's, but she had her own persistence. "First, wrap your hand."

"I forgot, sorry." Qin Yinong smiled softly, casually wrapping her hand with the stained towel.

Tang Ruoyao felt like she was going crazy. "Doesn't it hurt?"

"This?" Qin Yinong lifted her hand and said, "It's not the first time."

"What do you mean it's not the first time?"

"I've hurt myself before, not for the first time."

"You hurt yourself? Why?"

"I don't know why." Qin Yinong's expression was indifferent. "Qin Hongjian didn't immediately resort to violence. At first, he was just an alcoholic. Slowly, he started self-harming, cutting himself with a knife. And then, it escalated to violence."

She raised her eyes, fixedly gazing at Tang Ruoyao, her gaze devoid of emotion. "He was an alcoholic, and I became one too. He self-harmed, and I did too. What's the next step?"

Tang Ruoyao suddenly felt like she had fallen into an ice cellar, her hands and feet chilled to the bone.

Instinctively, she said, "No, he is him, and you are you. You're different."

Qin Yinong just smiled, but the smile didn't reach her eyes. "I am his biological daughter, and his despicable genes are etched into my bones. I've always believed that he has a mental illness, and now it seems that I might have it too."

Tang Ruoyao exclaimed loudly, "No!"

Contrary to her sudden heightened tone, Qin Yinong gently asked, "Are you afraid? I might have violent tendencies in the future, are you afraid?"

Tang Ruoyao shook her head firmly. "I'm not afraid."

Qin Yinong said, "Answer me as Tang Ruoyao, not as Han Zifei. I know she's not afraid, but I'm asking you."

Tang Ruoyao was unable to distinguish herself from Hanzifei, so she hesitated.

Is Tang Ruoyao afraid?

Probably... not afraid, right? Even if they were to fight, she might not necessarily lose to Qin Yinong, and she might not become like that.

Her hesitation lasted only a short moment, and she shook her head firmly.

Qin Yinong asked her again, "If I become an alcoholic, have violent tendencies, and lose control, would you still love me?" Qin Yinong believed in Tang Ruoyao's sincerity, but sincerity can change in an instant, and she wanted more than just the present.

Tang Ruoyao hesitated for a longer time this time. She bit her lip and promised, "I will accompany you in overcoming alcoholism and becoming better."

Qin Yinong looked at her calmly, not disappointed, but more like it was expected.

She tilted her face upward and let out a long sigh.

Tang Ruoyao's five fingers suddenly clenched, and she inexplicably started feeling anxious.

Qin Yinong looked at her again, with a faint redness around her eyes, and said, "I'm not young anymore. I don't just want a fleeting romance. You're still young, only twenty-three. Your life journey has just begun, and I don't want you to regret it in the future."

Tang Ruoyao's lips trembled. "I..."

Qin Yinong gently interrupted her, saying, "I will love you for a lifetime, from birth to death. What about you?"

Tears suddenly welled up in Tang Ruoyao's eyes, filling them up.

Qin Yinong spoke in a deep voice, "I've told you everything about me. I have a deeply troubled family background, and in the future, I may have violent tendencies or even more severe mental illnesses. Are you sure you can handle my past, present, and future? Can you face the unknown storms together with me? If you're sure, come and embrace me, and we'll be together. If you're not sure, you can leave now, and I won't blame you."

Tang Ruoyao instinctively took a step forward.

Qin Yinong sternly said, "I'm asking Tang Ruoyao, not Han Zifei!"

Those words struck Tang Ruoyao's heart, and she was rooted to the spot.

Qin Yinong's eyes were filled with sadness as she said each word, "What I want is someone who can pull me out when I'm about to give up on myself, not someone who briefly pulls me out and then pushes me deeper into the abyss. When my sister died, I almost died too. If I lose you again, I will truly die. I'll ask you one more time, are you sure?"

Tang Ruoyao looked into her tear-filled eyes, lowered her head, and stood still.

She is ignorant and shallow, lacking the pure and unwavering love that Han Zifei had for Shen Muqing, and lacking Han Zifei's unwavering courage. Qin Yinong's love for her has long surpassed mountains and rivers, the sun and moon, and is as vast and profound as the ocean and stars.

Although there is only a distance of three steps, it feels like an insurmountable barrier, like the Milky Way. She cannot cross it.

Yes, she is uncertain, she is wavering.

She cannot bear such deep love, she is not worthy.

Qin Yinong needs her courage the most, but she lacks it. Han Zifei has it, Tang Ruoyao does not. So during this time, what moved her was never the real coward Tang Ruoyao.

Qin Yinong opens her wounds layer by layer with a knife to show her, and willingly hands her the handle. It's up to Tang Ruoyao to decide whether to put down the knife and embrace him or to use the blade she handed over to stab her heart. It's all in Tang Ruoyao's hands, in an instant.

Her long silence and stillness have already given Qin Yinong the answer.

The faint light in the woman's eyes fades and finally extinguishes completely.

After a long time.

"I'm sorry." Tang Ruoyao's voice is hoarse, as if it doesn't come from her throat, and she speaks with difficulty, "I think I might..."

"Do you need some time?" Qin Yinong completes her sentence for her, her voice gentle, her gaze still tender.

Tang Ruoyao's whole body tenses up, and it takes all her strength to nod.

As she nods, tears pour down like rain.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Her head hangs low, unable to lift it.

Qin Yinong turns away and no longer looks at her, saying, "You can go now."

"But what about your hand..." Tang Ruoyao knows she has no right to ask, but she can't help but ask in a choked voice.

"I will have Guan Han bandage it for me. Thank you for your concern." Qin Yinong clenches her right hand into a fist, reopening the bleeding wound. She suppresses something with all her might and says again, "You can go now."

Tang Ruoyao doesn't even have the strength to politely curl her lips. She stiffly turns her back and walks towards the door.

Qin Yinong turns around and watches her leaving figure, a heat rising in her eyes.

Don't go.

Stay by my side.

Please.

The door locks with a click.

Everything fell silent, and there was nothing left.

The moon in the water, the flowers in the mirror, all like fleeting illusions.

Qin Yinong sat on the sofa for a long time, blending into the shadows, silent and still, like an expressionless wax figure that cannot speak.

A sweet sensation rises in her throat, and suddenly she lowers her head and spits out a mouthful of blood.

Two low laughs roll out from her throat, her smile filled with bitterness and self-mockery.

It turns out that even if you don't voice your wishes, they won't come true.

Author's Note:

Wish: Referring to a birthday wish made an hour ago - Please don't leave me.

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