Chapter 333: Fu Yujun & Guan Han [30]

Guan Han had once suspected the true identity behind the pseudonym "For_Love_lf." Some of the details involved, if not coincidences, could only come from someone who knew and was familiar with her. For instance, the studio assistants came to mind. However, "For_Love_lf" later wrote fanfiction about her and Fu Yujun, capturing the nuances so perfectly that Guan Han ruled out the studio assistants and temporarily set the matter aside.

At the beginning of this year, she and Fu Yujun started dating, and "For_Love_lf" began irregular hiatuses. The exclusive Lamborghini-themed updates also stopped—right after she and Fu Yujun became int!mate in Bali.

The writer's explanation was that work had gotten busy.

Guan Han chose to believe it for the time being.

After all, they were strangers. Even if the writer was off wandering, didn't feel like writing, or had even left the fandom and stopped being a fan, it was none of her business. The writer had no obligation to produce content for her, not even accepting donations. At most, Guan Han was just enjoying free content.

But years of reading habits meant Guan Han still checked every week to see if "For_Love_lf" had updated. The writer had grown lazier but still posted occasionally, shifting from weekly updates to biweekly, then monthly.

The writer started a Qin-Tang fanfiction but included Fu-Guan as a side couple. Gradually, their scenes increased, taking up almost half the story. Guan Han noticed that whether it was the dynamics among the four characters or the daily interactions between her and Fu Yujun, even if real events were avoided, familiar traces were still visible. The way the four of them acted in the story differed greatly from their public personas—was it a coincidence, or did the writer know and understand all four of them personally?

Moreover, she had never told Fu Yujun that she liked girly things or enjoyed sleeping with a unicorn plushie. She had only ever confided in "For_Love_lf"—a stranger in the virtual world, hidden behind a pseudonym, with whom she would never have any real-life interaction. Yet, Fu Yujun miraculously always picked out gifts she loved. Not long after she mentioned liking plush toys, Fu Yujun gave her one—a stuffed rabbit that still sat on her bed, though it found its way into the closet whenever Fu Yujun visited.

Additionally, in a comment under one of "For_Love_lf's" updates, the writer once slipped up and mentioned being in a relationship. Fu Yujun was in a relationship, and so was the writer? And the hiatuses started right after she and Fu Yujun began dating? The Lamborghini-themed updates mysteriously vanished after they slept together?

Then, tonight, Fu Yujun's slip of the tongue: "I myself..." What about herself? That she could write it herself?

All these coincidences pointed to an unbelievable conclusion.

As Sherlock Holmes said, "When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth."

Guan Han was eighty percent certain. The remaining twenty percent, she wanted Fu Yujun to answer herself.

She was willing to trust her one more time.

To believe that their beginning, their journey, and their present weren't part of an elaborate, carefully crafted design.

Standing before Fu Yujun, Guan Han's gaze was deep and unfathomable, her voice COLD and detached. "Are you 'For_Love_lf'?"

After speaking, she locked eyes with Fu Yujun, trying to detect any flicker of emotion. But there was nothing. Fu Yujun's heels pressed against the edge of the sofa, her expression perfectly feigning confusion.

"What's that?"

"The last fanfic writer for Qin Tang on Archive of Our Own was someone you recommended to me."

"Oh, I forgot about that."

"So you really stopped being a fan?" Guan Han wasn't in her usual playful mood, her tone was calm and serene.

"Yeah," Fu Yujun replied. "I left the fandom a long time ago. I was afraid you'd be upset, so I never told you."

"She said she's been in a relationship recently," Guan Han said, looking into Fu Yujun's eyes.

"Who?"

"For Love.." Guan Han slowed her pace, enunciating each syllable deliberately. When she pronounced the "l," her tongue lifted slightly, and for the "f" her upper teeth gently bit her lower lip, making it sound like "Lao Fu."

Fu Yujun's expression remained flawless, a slight frown of dissatisfaction appearing appropriately. "Why are you calling someone else's name so affectionately?"

Guan Han continued, "She hasn't updated in a long time. The hiatus started right after we started dating."

Fu Yujun's hand, hidden behind her back, clenched slightly into a fist. A smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she said, "She has a real life too, you know." She lowered her gaze, hiding the turbulent emotions swirling in her eyes, her voice softening. "Maybe she left the fandom like I did, or maybe she moved on to another ship."

Summoning her courage, she lifted her eyes and said, "You just scolded me over a ship."

Guan Han's expression was complex and hard to decipher, gradually settling into calmness. She let out a soft "Mm" and said, "I'm sorry."

The fingers of Fu Yujun's hidden hand dug into her palm, a vein throbbing at her temple. She released her clenched jaw and murmured, "I didn't mean to make you apologize."

"Mm."

"I was wrong too. I shouldn't have said things carelessly."

Guan Han's voice grew even softer. "Mm."

Fu Yujun looked at her and said, "Can you kiss me?"

Guan Han leaned in and kissed her.

Her body temperature was usually warmer than most, her lips always warm. But now they felt slightly cool, a chill that seeped from their intertwined lips into Fu Yujun's heart, freezing her bl0od.

Fu Yujun reached out and wrapped her arms around Guan Han's waist.

"I'm a little cold," she whispered during a brief pause in their kiss.

Guan Han's arms encircled her, her warmth enveloping Fu Yujun like a comforting blanket. The gentle embrace and shared heat slowly softened Fu Yujun's stiff limbs, allowing her to melt into the kiss.

The kiss started softly but gradually grew more intense, like a volcano erupting after being suppressed for too long.

Fu Yujun could barely handle her passion, her legs growing weak and unsteady, leading them to sink onto the sofa. Guan Han cupped her cheek with one hand, tilting her chin upward, and kissed her again with a hint of force.

Fu Yujun felt as if she were about to turn into a faucet. She clung tightly to Guan Han's arm, unsure whether she wanted to pull her closer or push her away.

When they finally parted, Fu Yujun turned her head, gasping for air. Bl0od rushed to her heart, pounding as if it might burst.

Guan Han braced one hand against the sofa, her chest heaving irregularly.

Fu Yujun, stirred by the kiss, recovered slightly and leaned in again. But Guan Han said, "I still have some work to finish." She thought to herself: Lying isn't as hard as I imagined.

"Work again?"

"Mm."

Suppressing her disappointment, Fu Yujun said, "Go ahead, then."

"Be good." Guan Han whispered, kissing her forehead.

As Guan Han walked toward her room, Fu Yujun watched her retreating figure, her heart suddenly tightening. She called out abruptly, "Guan Han."

The woman turned around, her eyes lighting up with an unusual glow as she asked gently, "What is it?"

Fu Yujun fell silent for a moment before saying, "Could you get my pajamas? I want to take a shower."

Guan Han paused briefly as well and replied, "Alright."

Guan Han went inside, closing the door behind her.

Left alone in the living room, Fu Yujun covered her face with one hand, a sigh escaping through her fingers.

Reason told her she should confess—no matter how difficult it might be, facing it head-on would bring relief sooner rather than later. But if people could always remain rational, making the most logical choices even in love, they wouldn't be human—they'd be machines programmed for perfection. Machines don't feel fear, humans do. Machines don't retreat, humans do.

What if she couldn't make it through?

What if Guan Han broke up with her, just like in that dream?

Guan Han was such a strong, independent person. If she found out that it had all been a trap from the start—that Fu Yujun had lured her in step by step, deceiving her under the guise of love—would she forgive her? If the roles were reversed, and someone had pretended to be a stranger, interacting with her for nearly four years while hiding behind a facade, all while being the person she shared her life with, Fu Yujun doubted she could accept it easily.

The deciding factor would be how much she loved that person.

Was Guan Han's love for her strong enough to forgive such a betrayal?

She had already chosen love over freedom once. Would Guan Han choose her again, just as firmly?

A sound from the room snapped Fu Yujun out of her thoughts. She immediately dropped her hand to her side, forced a smile, and looked toward Guan Han as she emerged.

Guan Han walked straight to the bathroom and came back out, saying, "I've laid out your pajamas for you. Oh, and I bought you a new shampoo—the one in the black bottle. You mentioned your scalp was itchy a couple of days ago, right? This one is supposed to be good for that. Give it a try, and if it doesn't work, I'll get you something else."

Guan Han never spoke her affection aloud, but she constantly showed it through her actions, making Fu Yujun feel deeply loved.

She remembered every one of Fu Yujun's preferences—her favorite foods and what she avoided. Though she often complained about their small home having no space, she still let Fu Yujun buy whatever she wanted, then organized everything neatly herself. She helped coordinate Fu Yujun's outfits, posed for photos with her, acted as a human pillow when she was tired, and even let Fu Yujun cling to her as she moved around. She rushed out at noon to buy flowers just because Fu Yujun mentioned she liked them, indulged her possessiveness, and tolerated all her spoiled, willful behavior.

Once Guan Han let her into her world, she truly gave her everything in it.

There's a saying: "If you can't feel their affection, then it isn't there."

With Guan Han, it was the complete opposite—Fu Yujun felt nothing but affection, as if no matter how vast the universe, Guan Han's heart and eyes were filled only with her.

Suddenly, Fu Yujun felt an overwhelming sadness. Why did their relationship have to start this way? Everything was built on lies.

The CP fan accounts were lies, the conversations were lies, the shared images and videos were lies. Their seemingly telepathic connection was a lie, the coincidental gift choices were lies, and all those moments of being unable to control one's feelings and going with the flow were lies too.

She was nothing but a complete fraud!

Only her heart was genuine—but how much was a heart wrapped in a web of deceit truly worth?

Why?

"What's wrong?" Guan Han asked, noticing the sorrow in Fu Yujun's eyes, and waved a hand in front of her face.

"Nothing." Fu Yujun's pupils contracted slightly, focusing on the beautiful woman before her. "New shampoo, is it? I'll try it later."

"Then I'll get back to work." Guan Han gently touched her face, speaking with utmost tenderness. "Call me if you need anything."

"Mhm."

Guan Han returned to the bedroom and opened the closed laptop. The screen displayed the backend interface of Lofter. She had documented all the comment exchanges between herself and "For_Love_lf," noting the dates and times, and organized them into a single file.

Using annotations, she recorded every event related to Fu Yujun that she could recall.

Thanks to years of diligent work, Guan Han had an excellent memory for time.

Her fingers flew across the keyboard as she multitasked, listening for any sounds outside the door.

About an hour later, the bathroom door finally opened—far longer than Fu Yujun usually took for a shower. The sound of footsteps, no different from usual, followed, stopping at the doorway but not entering. Instead, they retreated, and Fu Yujun sat down in the living room.

Guan Han resumed her paused actions, organizing her thoughts in the quiet room.

Close to eleven o'clock, Fu Yujun knocked on the door.

Guan Han closed the document, switched to her logged-in work email, and clicked on the latest message as she said, "Come in."

Fu Yujun pushed the door open, the darkened living room behind her.

"Still not done?"

"Almost," Guan Han replied. "Are you tired?"

"A little."

"Do you want to sleep first?"

"I want to wait for you. Aren't you almost done?"

"Alright," Guan Han said calmly. "I'll finish reading this and then take a shower."

Fu Yujun lifted the corner of the blanket and sat on the bed. Guan Han reminded her, "Cover your feet properly, or they'll get cold again. Lots of people have been catching colds lately, so keep warm."

Fu Yujun paused, about to stretch out her feet, and said, "Since when did you become so talkative?"

Guan Han had already turned back to her emails and replied, "It's only because you're so worrisome."

"My parents think I'm very low-maintenance."

"Is that so? That's because I'm the one doing all the worrying."

"Hahahaha."

Fu Yujun climbed out of bed, crawled over on her knees, and wrapped her arms around Guan Han's shoulders from behind, nuzzling her face affectionately. "You're so good to me, Little Guan Han."

"Mhm." Guan Han reached back and touched her face, mimicking words Fu Yujun had once said. "People like me, who care so much, are rare. You should cherish me."

Fu Yujun laughed again, but her laughter grew increasingly strained. She composed herself and sat back, saying, "Of course, I'll cherish you. You should cherish me too. No matter if we're rich or poor, no matter what happens in the future, you're not allowed to leave me."

She hid her true plea within words that sounded completely ordinary.

Guan Han didn't respond.

A wave of unease washed over Fu Yujun. She forced a lighthearted tone and said, "So you only love me for my money! The moment you hear 'poor,' you go silent! If I became penniless, you'd definitely leave me, wouldn't you?"

Guan Han sidestepped the question, saying, "You won't become penniless. The savings you have now are enough to last you a lifetime, as long as you don't spend recklessly."

Fu Yujun asked, "What if I do spend recklessly?"

"Then you'll have to live on husks and wild herbs."

"Hahahaha."

Guan Han's humor always came unexpectedly.

Fu Yujun declared, "From now on, you manage my money. If I don't become poor, you won't leave me."

Guan Han seemed to finally compromise, giving her a firm "Mm."

Although it was Fu Yujun who had forced the promise, and a present commitment held no real meaning for the future—if all promises could be fulfilled, how could there be so many resentful couples in the world?—it still offered her a faint sense of comfort.

Guan Han closed her laptop. "I'm done. I'm going to take a shower. I'll be back in ten minutes."

Fu Yujun, looking through the open bedroom door toward the living room, heard the sound of the shower running in the bathroom. She pulled out her phone, which had been warmed under the covers, and logged into her long-unvisited author dashboard.

Just today, Guan Han had left her a reply: "Keep it up, author!"

Fu Yujun clicked on the message, and the reply box popped up. She was about to type but suddenly withdrew her fingers.

She couldn't reply. Replying now would be an obvious giveaway.

But she couldn't not reply either. If she mysteriously disappeared the moment Guan Han grew suspicious, it would only seem more coincidental.

In the end, she concluded that she should reply—but not now. She needed to find the right moment to let "For_Love_lf" naturally fade out of Guan Han's life.

A flicker of hesitation crossed Fu Yujun's mind.

Doubt was the worst poison in a relationship. If Guan Han had already planted a seed of suspicion in her heart, Fu Yujun's actions would only add fuel to the fire. If exposed, Guan Han's anger would likely double.

But what if Guan Han was just testing her on a whim? Half an hour ago, they had been arguing. A woman in love was capable of anything. It wasn't as if Guan Han wouldn't do such a thing—she had even learned to feel jealous. After that guy who asked for her contact information was shut down, Guan Han had ignored her for a full minute.

After weighing her options, Fu Yujun decided to wait until their relationship was more stable before coming clean—at least after meeting each other's parents. They could meet during the New Year, and it would be best to settle the marriage plans. Same-s3x marriage registration had been legalized two months ago, so they could even get their marriage certificate while they were at it.

Taking action first and explaining later felt a bit underhanded, but for now, she couldn't think of a better plan.

"Meet your parents?" Guan Han tilted her head to look at Fu Yujun as she dried her hair. Fresh out of the shower, her eyes were dewy, droplets clinging to her lashes, making her face appear pure and delicate.

Fu Yujun pressed her shoulders, guiding her to sit at the edge of the bed, then took the towel and began drying her hair. "Yeah, we've been together for so long. My parents said if I don't bring a girlfriend home this year, they'll break my legs."

Sorry, Mom and Dad, just tarnishing your reputation a little.

"Isn't the New Year less than three months away?"

"Three months is such a long time," Fu Yujun said. "My mom can't wait for me to bring you home right now."

"You told your mom about me?"

"I told her the year before last."

"..."

Fu Yujun draped the towel over the back of a chair, fetched the hairdryer, and plugged it into the socket by the bed. Leaning close to Guan Han's ear, she whispered softly, "My mom has known I've liked you for a long, long, long time."

Guan Han's ears warmed slightly.

"So? Will you come home with me?"

"...Let me think about it."

"Or maybe I could have my parents come over to meet yours?"

"No!" Guan Han rejected the idea instantly.

Just because she didn't date didn't mean she was clueless about social norms. She knew exactly what it meant for both sets of parents to meet. She had prepared herself for the possibility of marrying Fu Yujun someday, but that didn't mean she was ready for it now.

"Alright," Fu Yujun said, swallowing her disappointment and rallying her spirits. "Let me dry your hair."

Fu Yujun put away the hair dryer and pulled Guan Han into bed beside her, kissing her face to face. Lovers' kisses often risked escalating, especially during the honeymoon phase, so the two of them, lying in the soft bedding that naturally evoked certain thoughts, tried to avoid deep kisses whenever possible.

But there were exceptions, and it was usually Fu Yujun who lost control. Sometimes she would come to her senses on her own, and other times Guan Han would stop her.

Today was another day when Fu Yujun couldn't restrain her emotions.

Guan Han's lips were slightly red and swollen as she looked up at Fu Yujun, her eyes gradually clouding with a passion different from her usual demeanor.

Fu Yujun, preoccupied with her own worries and insecurities, couldn't help but crave all of her as they kissed, longing to fill the emptiness in her soul and be enveloped in a tight, warm embrace.

"Not yet?" Fu Yujun murmured pleadingly.

Guan Han gazed at her for a long time, sighed inwardly, and pulled her closer.

To avoid a repeat of the hotel incident from last time, Guan Han didn't try to grip the pillow or bedsheet again. Instead, she let her hands hang at her sides, clenched tightly into fists.

Fu Yujun watched as Guan Han's dark hair fanned out across the snow-white pillow, her usually aloof face flushed with color, her slender eyes slightly dazed. Accompanied by the faint cracking sound of her knuckles straining, Fu Yujun felt a mix of satisfaction, helplessness, and amusement.

She leaned close to Guan Han's ear, gently nibbling her earlobe, successfully rendering her momentarily weak.

Seizing the opportunity, Fu Yujun grabbed Guan Han's hand and placed it on her own back, saying, "You can hold me."

Guan Han let out a slow, soft breath and said, "I'm afraid I might crush your bones."

Fu Yujun: "..."

Was she made of tofu?

After a moment, she chuckled and said, "You won't."

Guan Han didn't dare.

Fu Yujun forced her to hold her, and in the end, just as she had predicted, Guan Han, afraid of hurting her, restrained her strength as much as possible. Only at the most critical moment did she let go, her arms falling to her sides, the veins from the back of her hands to her elbows bulging one by one.

A few seconds later, everything returned to normal.

Her long, pale neck was still arched backward, like a swan's, her hair in disarray, her tired eyes half-closed as if utterly exhausted.

Fu Yujun held her as they both calmed down, then went to wash her hands.

The small room wasn't convenient, so she had to use the bathroom outside.

Fu Yujun squeezed a pump of hand soap, worked it into a lather, and meticulously cleaned each finger one by one. Suddenly, she felt something unusual around her. Glancing casually into the mirror, she saw the reflection of a face with long, flowing hair.

Fu Yujun had tied her hair up earlier for convenience, so this was someone else.

Late at night, in a quiet, empty bathroom, an unexpected presence.

Fu Yujun nearly threw an elbow strike backward but, at the last moment, recognized the person's face—it was her lover.

Her heart still racing, Fu Yujun rinsed the soap off her hands and turned around. "Why are you out here?"

Guan Han said, "I'm going to shower. I'm covered in sweat."

She was wearing one of Fu Yujun's bathrobes—brought in the suitcase—and showed no trace of the exhaustion from earlier.

Fu Yujun said, "I want to shower too. Can we do it together?"

Guan Han, ever practical, replied, "It's too cramped."

Fu Yujun: "..." She glanced at the floor tiles nearby and said, "Maybe we could squeeze in?"

Guan Han said calmly, "If you want to accidentally step into the squat toilet."

Fu Yujun: "..."

She had considered washing together mainly to try out that thing in the bathroom, but clearly there wasn't enough space for her to fully explore it. If their first shared bath had to happen here, it would be... far too disappointing for future memories.

Fu Yujun made up her mind: "Never mind, you go ahead and shower first."

While Guan Han was showering, Fu Yujun waited outside, her thoughts wandering as she listened to the sound of the running water.

With the fresh memories from earlier, her imagination was vivid and utterly absorbing.

It wasn't until Guan Han stood before her and said in an even tone, "Your turn. The water's still warm, don't delay." that she snapped out of it.

Guan Han left still wrapped in her bathrobe, with no small garments in her hands or left behind in the bathroom. A sudden thought crossed Fu Yujun's mind: 'Could she be wearing nothing underneath?'

Whether she was or not, Fu Yujun had no chance to find out. By the time she returned, Guan Han was already dressed in her pajamas, lying flat under the covers. As Fu Yujun climbed into bed, Guan Han murmured, "Turn off the light."

There was no trace of post-int!macy awkwardness or discomfort—it was as if she had simply completed a pre-sleep task.

If not for the vivid image of Guan Han lost in passion still etched in Fu Yujun's mind, she might have thought her own performance had been lacking. But then again, she'd heard that women were natural actresses in such matters—able to feign ecstasy even when they felt nothing.

Her heated emotions cooled considerably. Unable to resist, she leaned close to Guan Han's ear in the darkness and whispered, "Um..."

"Hmm?"

"Was... was I any good?"

"You were good." Guan Han replied, her voice drowsy and lazy.

"Tell me the truth. Don't worry about hurting my feelings."

"Really... you were good." Guan Han yawned. "Let's sleep." She turned over, wrapped an arm around Fu Yujun, and began patting her back gently.

Listening to Guan Han's breathing grow slow and even, Fu Yujun suddenly regretted her choice of words.

She should have asked, "Was I amazing?"

Given Guan Han's straightforward nature, she would have either said, "Yes, you were," or "No." Even a tactful "not bad" would have conveyed her true feelings.

Why did I say "good"? Was my brain kicked by Wen Shuxian?

Guan Han fell asleep, and Fu Yujun closed her eyes as well.

The night was quiet, with moonlight filtering through the curtains like a veil.

A long while later, Fu Yujun suddenly opened her eyes. She turned her head to look at Guan Han's serene, moonlit face, then reached out slowly and groped for her phone on the nightstand.

She shifted carefully, turning her back to Guan Han, dimming the screen to its lowest setting. With trembling fingers, she opened the app store and downloaded Lofter—she had deleted it earlier, afraid Guan Han might accidentally see it.

Re-entering her account and password, Fu Yujun's heart pounded like a drum. Her palms were sweaty as she gripped the phone. She couldn't shake the feeling that eyes were watching her from behind, making her skin crawl and her throat tighten.

She lowered the phone and stiffly glanced back. Guan Han remained in the same sleeping position, motionless.

Fu Yujun cautiously shifted again, this time facing Guan Han directly. Holding the phone close to her face, she kept one eye on the screen and the other on Guan Han.

She tapped into her notifications—there were over a dozen new comments. Her fingers swiped frantically, scrolling down again and again. In her haste, she kept making mistakes. It wasn't until the third attempt that she finally found Guan Han's reader ID.

Wiping her sweaty fingers, Fu Yujun typed two words into the reply box.

For_Love_lf: [Thank you.]

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