CHAPTER 243: Qin & Tang Extra 17

Bl0od, the bathtub filled with rusty red bl0od.

Seaweed-like long hair floated on the crimson water, obscuring the woman's face.

Qin Yinong staggered forward, stumbling to the edge of the icy bathtub. Her trembling fingers reached to move aside the long hair on the water's surface, revealing a pale face that had lost all color. Beneath the long lashes, bright eyes were tightly shut, never to open again.

As if scalded by fire, Qin Yinong abruptly withdrew her hand, emitting a gasp from her throat.

'This can't be real.'

She forcefully closed her eyes, then opened them.

'It hadn't changed, it hadn't changed.'

'It remained the same, just the same.'

'This must be a dream.'

Qin Yinong pinched the inner part of her arm hard, turning it red and bruised.

'Wake up, please wake up!'

She screamed silently in her mind, roaring.

'Why won't you wake up?'

'Why won't you wake up?'

She bit down heavily on the flesh between her thumb and index finger, biting deep enough to see bone, nearly tearing off a piece of meat.

'Please wake up.'

'Just wake up.'

Tears fell, blurring her vision.

She kept biting, kept biting, tears mixing with the metallic taste of bl0od in her mouth, producing muffled whimpers.

Qin Yinong clutched the edge of the bathtub tightly, her eyes bl0odshot, her straight back bending under the unbearable weight, the heart-wrenching pain forcing her to press her hand against her chest, tears streaming down like rain.

A piercing scream shattered the silence of the Qin residence.

Unbeknownst to her, Ji Shulan had walked up behind Qin Yinong and suddenly collapsed, her eyes rolling back.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock.

Tick-tock.

Qin Yinong jolted awake, her heart racing, sitting up abruptly.

The room was empty, the sheer curtains letting in the remnants of the sunset. Qin Yinong grabbed a tissue to wipe the sweat from her forehead, then got up to put on her shoes.

The Qin residence was eerily quiet. As Qin Yinong walked down the second-floor corridor, her steps quickened, she nearly ran down the stairs and hurried into Qin Lunong's room, pushing the door open in a rush.

"Sister, I had a particularly terrifying dream. I dreamed that..." Her voice trailed off.

She slowly walked inside, gazing at the untouched furnishings, staring blankly at the bed covered in a black cloth.

It wasn't a dream after all.

How could reality be more frightening than a dream?

She bent down, squatting slowly in the center of the room, sitting there from dusk until deep into the night.

Aunt Fang, with swollen eyes, pushed the door open. "Second Miss, it's time to go back to bed."

Qin Lunong had passed away a week ago.

Qin Yinong had been living a reversed schedule, helping with the baby during the day and sitting in Qin Lunong's room all night. Unlike Ji Shulan, who cried her heart out, she remained eerily calm and collected, methodically managing Qin Lunong's funeral arrangements, selecting a fine burial site for her.

But Aunt Fang, watching her, felt an increasingly ominous premonition.

Suddenly, Qin Yinong stood up. Having sat for too long, her bl0od circulation was off, and her legs felt numb. She stumbled slightly and pulled aside the black cloth covering the bed, saying, "I'll sleep here tonight."

Aunt Fang anxiously interjected, "You can't, this is—" She couldn't bring herself to say the words "unlucky."

She had watched the two sisters grow up together, the elder one intelligent, the younger one simple, inseparable in every way.

Qin Yinong declared, "I'm going to sleep here."

She lay down fully clothed and murmured to herself, "Sister loves me the most."

Aunt Fang raised her hand to tightly cover her mouth, tears streaming down her face, and turned to rush out the door.

Qin Yinong closed her eyes, a tear slipping from the corner of her eye.

Ji Shulan, overwhelmed with grief, had already fallen ill in bed. The next morning, upon hearing from Aunt Fang that Qin Yinong was sleeping in Qin Lunong's room, she forced herself to get up despite her illness and unsteadily made her way to Qin Lunong's room.

"Dudu." Ji Shulan stood by the bed, gently calling her.

"Mom." Qin Yinong opened her eyes but didn't look at her, instead staring blankly at the ceiling, saying, "I had a nightmare."

Ji Shulan choked back tears and said, "That wasn't a dream."

One child had already met with a tragic fate, and she couldn't bear to see another child suffer the same.

"Not a dream?" Qin Yinong uttered slowly.

"No," Ji Shulan, tears flowing freely, said, "You need to be strong. Your sister in heaven wouldn't want to see you like this."

"In heaven." Qin Yinong continued to speak slowly, not truly engaging with Ji Shulan, merely mechanically repeating a phrase she had heard.

Ji Shulan wiped her tears, stumbling out to bring the baby over.

A soft little bundle was placed in her arms. The baby, not particularly close to her biological mother, had no idea what monumental events had transpired in the household. Generally, when with Qin Yinong, the baby felt comfortable. At that moment, feeling the familiar embrace, the baby, with its toothless grin, smiled broadly.

She waved her tiny hands to reach Qin Yinong's face.

Qin Yinong's eyes suddenly turned red. She hugged the child, pressing her forehead against the baby's cheek, and the little one laughed even more joyfully. Qin Yinong lifted her face and reached out to tease her, her previously numb expression gradually softening.

"I will take good care of you and raise you."

Ji Shulan watched from the side, listening to her murmured words, feeling a bitter ache in her heart as tears streamed down her face once again.

She sniffed, then turned to look out the window.

The little one, tired from playing, had fallen asleep in the cradle. Qin Yinong spoke up, "Mom."

Ji Shulan wiped her face hastily with her hand and turned, asking, "What's wrong?"

Qin Yinong said, "The baby fell asleep, you should take her back."

Ji Shulan carried the baby, worried, "What about you?"

Qin Yinong replied, "I'm going to take a shower."

Ji Shulan's pupils dilated sharply.

"It's okay, I'm not going to do anything reckless." Qin Yinong said softly as she looked at the child, smiling. "I still want to see her grow up, start a career, and have a family."

Ji Shulan asked, "Where are you going to wash?"

Qin Yinong looked toward the bathroom where the incident had occurred.

Ji Shulan's face went pale.

That scene was vivid in her mind.

She let out a scream, clutching the baby and running out.

The bathtub had been cleaned and covered with a cloth. Qin Yinong lifted the cloth, staring at the porcelain-white tub, her vision darkening in waves.

The bl0od that had seeped in spread in her pupils.

Seaweed-like long hair.

A pale face.

The stiff limbs.

Eyes that would never open again.

It flashed before her like a movie scene.

She braced one hand on the edge of the bathtub while the fingertips of her other hand trembled as she turned on the hot water.

She lifted her leg and stepped inside, taking a utility knife that had been prepared on the wooden table. Aiming at her wrist, she pressed the thin, sharp blade down lightly, and her fair skin began to ooze bright red droplets of bl0od. After making a cut on her wrist, she dipped it into the warm water and closed her eyes.

The hot water gradually enveloped her body, covering her mouth, nose, ears, and eyes. As it submerged her eyes, everything around her turned, and she was met with a scene of bl0od red.

The red bl0od water engulfed her.

Qin Yinong sank to the bottom of the water.

'Is this how it is, sister?'

'It hurts so much.'

'How much pain you must feel.'

Qin Yinong emerged from her room, dressed in a pure white bathrobe. She sat at the table, a bowl of porridge in front of her. As she picked up the spoon, the wide sleeves slipped down, revealing her wrist wrapped in white bandages.

Ji Shulan felt her soul nearly departing her body.

In recent days, Qin Yinong had been unable to eat, but she forced herself to do so. Her stomach churned, and she swallowed the porridge that had come back up her throat, calmly saying, "I'm fine, I just wanted to see how it felt."

Ji Shulan's lips trembled. "Is this something you can just experiment with?"

Qin Yinong continued to eat her porridge, saying indifferently, "If I wanted to die, no one could stop me, so you can rest easy."

Ji Shulan: "..."

How could she possibly feel at ease with this?

Qin Yinong called the family doctor to come and rebandage her wound, and she was given ointment to help with scarring. She hadn't cut deeply, it would heal well in two months, and the medication would speed up the process.

During the day, Qin Yinong continued to play with the baby, and at night, she sat in Qin Lunong's room in silence. She rummaged through the trash can and found a crumpled piece of paper that read "suicide note," but there were no other contents.

She began to spend entire nights unable to sleep, as closing her eyes brought nightmares, and opening them revealed horrors worse than reality. She tossed and turned between reality and illusion, never finding peace.

She began to drink during the day, consuming large amounts of alcohol to numb her nerves, allowing her to briefly rest in the afternoons to satisfy the basic needs of life.

Qin Yinong visibly lost weight at a rapid pace.

The elder members of the family cried daily, not only for the sudden passing of Qin Lunong but also for the shell of a person that Qin Yinong had become.

It felt as if both children were ruined.

Aunt Fang tried various ways to make nourishing soups for Qin Yinong every day, but as soon as she drank them, she would immediately throw them up. Aunt Fang was so worried she cried, while Qin Yinong forced a smile to comfort her.

This continued for a month.

One morning, Qin Yinong came out of Qin Lunong's room, changed her clothes upstairs, and came down. The once-fitting clothes now hung loosely on her. Fortunately, they were casual wear, so they didn't look too out of place.

"I'm going out." she said.

Ji Shulan asked, "Where are you going?"

Surprisingly, Qin Yinong turned back and smiled at her, saying, "To earn some money for baby formula."

The door closed behind her.

Outside, the sun shone brightly.

Qin Yinong walked out of the courtyard with a smile, got into the black sedan with a smile, and greeted Guan Han, "Good morning."

Guan Han sighed inwardly, "Good morning."

"The weather is nice today." Qin Yinong said.

"Yes." Guan Han agreed.

"What do you usually do on days like this?"

"Sunbathe." Guan Han replied.

"Sunbathe," Qin Yinong nodded. "That sounds nice. I also like sunbathing." On a day like this, Qin Lunong would definitely have been out in the yard sunbathing. She was afraid of the cold, yet in the end, she lay in the icy water.

Qin Yinong suddenly turned her face away, widening her eyes to look out the window, biting her lower lip so hard that her teeth sank into the flesh.

Guan Han couldn't bear to watch and averted her eyes.

"I want to take on some roles again, please talk to An Ling about it." Qin Yinong said after a long while, in her usual casual tone.

"Understood."

"The schedule can be arranged too. I've been free lately."

"Understood."

"Out-of-town projects are fine as well, there's no rush to come back now."

"Understood."

"And..." Qin Yinong wanted to say something more. She desperately needed to make herself busy, to feel lively, but her mind was blank. She just clenched her hands, her lips unconsciously moving.

Guan Han cautiously said, "About that Saturday night, you didn't attend Miss Tang's invitation, and I apologized on your behalf. Do you want to return her call now?"

Qin Yinong remained silent for a while before saying, "No need."

"Understood." Guan Han quietly put her half-drawn phone back.

Qin Yinong had an appointment with her psychiatrist, Wang Lin.

The two greeted each other like old friends who hadn't seen each other in a long time. Wang Lin came over and hugged her, saying, "Long time no see."

Qin Yinong sighed and smiled, "I'm afraid we'll be seeing each other often from now on."

No one wants to frequently interact with a doctor unless...

Wang Lin felt a sense of foreboding.

Sure enough, Qin Yinong's situation was far more complicated than she had anticipated. Although Qin Lunong hadn't often come up in her confessions, her sister's suicide had become her biggest nightmare.

Qin Yinong waved her hand and said, "I'll sleep here for a while. I've been having terrible headaches these days."

She no longer held any hope of recovery. Now, just being able to have a peaceful sleep is already a great luxury. Ningning would take twenty years to grow up. She had already endured ten years, there was no reason she couldn't make it through twenty.

She had to watch her grow up. Qin Yinong closed her eyes and gradually fell asleep amidst the calming scent of aromatherapy.

Qin Yinong slept for four hours, came out from inside, and bid farewell to Wang Lin.

Wang Lin watched her leave, sighed.

There were no appointments in the afternoon, so Qin Yinong originally planned to go home. An hour later, Qin Yinong looked at the door in front of her, her expression one of astonishment.

How did she suddenly come back here?

Looking at Guan Han behind her, who was avoiding eye contact, focusing on her own thoughts.

Qin Yinong entered the password and stepped into the foyer.

Tang Ruoyao, who had been studying in the study, hurried out at the sound of movement.

"Sister Qin," She stopped in her tracks, watching from a distance, not approaching.

Qin Yinong looked at her bare feet and said, "Isn't today Thursday?"

Tang Ruoyao replied, "It's a public holiday this afternoon."

Qin Yinong nodded, "No classes tonight?"

Tang Ruoyao answered, "Not this semester."

Qin Yinong said, "I'm just here to grab a few things."

A faint trace of disappointment flickered in Tang Ruoyao's eyes.

Qin Yinong went to the guest room, her gaze sweeping around before picking up a book she had left on the bedside table. She returned to the entrance and said, "I'm leaving."

Tang Ruoyao looked at her and said, "Goodbye, Sister Qin."

Qin Yinong lifted the corner of her mouth, but the smile had not fully formed before it disappeared. The glimmer in her eyes flickered and she said, "Goodbye."

Qin Yinong stood outside the door, personally closing it, and Tang Ruoyao's straight figure disappeared into the gap of the door.

The sound of the lock clicking, though not loud, felt like a heavy hammer striking her heart.

Qin Yinong pressed her hand against her chest and let out a muffled groan.

Guan Han asked, "Sister Qin?"

Qin Yinong waited for the dull pain to pass, took a deep breath, and said, "It's nothing."

She let go of her chest and leaned on Guan Han's arm as they walked slowly.

The woman said with a bitter smile, "Do you think I will live a shorter life if I keep going like this?"

Guan Han replied, "No, you'll live a long life."

Qin Yinong looked at her, her lips curving into a smile, "I rarely hear you say such things."

Guan Han said, "Just because I rarely speak doesn't mean I can't."

Qin Yinong smiled again.

She took a few more steps forward, as if speaking to herself, and whispered, "But I don't want to live a long life."

Guan Han suddenly lowered her head, quickly blinking away two tears.

Qin Yinong patted her arm and said, "Take me back."

Her appearance showed no signs of change, but her heart felt as if it had aged decades in an instant.

On that evening when the setting sun bled across the sky, a part of her soul remained forever in that cold bathroom.

The baby could already giggle, laughing whenever the adults teased her, especially fond of Qin Yinong, reaching out her little hands to be held.

Qin Yinong tapped the baby's delicate nose and said, "Say 'Mommy.'"

The baby babbled, "Ee-ya-ya."

Ji Shulan thought of the late Qin Lunong, tears welling up in her eyes, and walked outside.

Qin Yinong looked up for a moment, then continued teaching the baby to say "Mommy." A tear fell onto the baby's smooth cheek. Qin Yinong wiped it away with her finger, tilted her face up, then lowered it again, "Mommy."

The baby, oblivious to sorrow or joy, continued to wave her little hands happily, "Ee-ya-ya."

Qin Yinong deliberately distanced herself from Tang Ruoyao. Tang Ruoyao, sensitive by nature, noticed the coldness and stopped calling Guan Han every few days to request a conversation. Only occasionally did the two cross paths in the house at Wangyue Mountain.

Qin Yinong changed into slippers, walked to the couch she had placed by the window, closed her eyes, and lay down.

There was a rustling sound near my ear.

Footsteps stopped in front of her. Tang Ruoyao, looking at the woman with her eyes half-closed, crouched down and voluntarily massaging her calves.

Tang Ruoyao tentatively asked in a soft voice, "Have you been very busy lately?" That's why she hadn't kept their appointments, hadn't called, hadn't said a word.

Qin Yinong retracted her legs and avoided answering, "You should go read."

The footsteps faded away, disappearing behind the door.

Qin Yinong sat up.

She shouldn't have come, but why did she go around in circles and end up back here?

Her sister was gone. She had no home. Only here could she find a sliver of solace, a slight easing of the pain that tormented her day and night.

She had to live.

She had to keep living.

Tang Ruoyao sat in the study, absentmindedly flipping through a book. She took a deep breath, stood up, and quietly opened the study door, peeking out.

Qin Yinong sat with her back to her, hugging her knees with both hands, staring blankly out the window.

Suddenly, Qin Yinong raised her hand to wipe her eyes.

Tang Ruoyao's eyes widened slightly.

'Is she crying?'

"I got a new script and I'm getting into character, don't overthink it." Qin Yinong looked up and replied to Tang Ruoyao, who appeared in front of her.

Tang Ruoyao extended half of her hand, frozen in mid-air, her fingers curled slightly and then fell to her side.

Tang Ruoyao pressed her lips together, said nothing, and left again.

Qin Yinong watched her retreating figure, raising her hand to her chest, where it felt like ice-cold to the bone.

Another weekend evening.

Tang Ruoyao nodded at Qin Yinong, who was entering, and Qin Yinong nodded back at her.

The two had nothing to say to each other.

After a while, Tang Ruoyao said, "The movie audition you mentioned before—I passed. It starts filming this summer."

Qin Yinong hummed in acknowledgment.

Tang Ruoyao handed over a notebook, "These are my recent reading notes."

Qin Yinong looked it over, and as before, praised, "Good." Then they chatted a bit more about the content.

Afterward, Tang Ruoyao looked at her, "Don't you have anything to say to me?"

Qin Yinong smiled and looked back, saying "What do you mean?"

Tang Ruoyao slightly lowered her eyes, hiding the fleeting hint of sadness. "It's nothing, I'll head back first."

Perhaps she was really just being presumptuous.

That missed appointment was probably intentional, meant to make her face reality. She had foolishly gone out to buy clothes, spending so much money.

Qin Yinong smiled as she watched her back, tears welling up in her eyes. She slowly stopped smiling, propped herself up with one hand on the sofa, and sat down.

Tang Ruoyao's feelings for her are still shallow. If she kept her at a distance a few more times, with time, she would stop liking her. Qin Yinong was just someone with a dazzling appearance and aura, but her personality was rather dull. Only someone as naive as Tang Ruoyao would fall for her. In the future, she would meet someone she truly loved and have a colorful and splendid life.

Qin Yinong picked up the wine glass from the coffee table and drank it all in one go.

This was for the best.

Qin Yinong joined the cast of a new movie and disappeared for three months. Tang Ruoyao indeed didn't have deep feelings for Qin Yinong, the frequency of thinking about her gradually decreased. After the summer movie started filming, her Weibo alt account stopped updating altogether.

The two were drifting further apart, and if it weren't for that unexpected incident, they would have already become like strangers.

[Wrap party, I'm]

[drunk]

At the wrap party for Tang Ruoyao's movie, she was accidentally drugged. Qin Yinong and his men stormed the hotel and took her away.

One night of chaotic revelry, and upon waking, the world has changed.

A young girl's first time often leaves a lasting impression, especially when the person she likes comes to her rescue like a hero descending from the heavens. The ember buried deep in Tang Ruoyao's heart reignited, only to be extinguished by a single sentence.

Qin Yinong looked at her and said coldly, "No need to thank me, I just hate it when others touch my things."

Their relationship finally reached the point of no return.

What made Qin Yinong despair was that not only had she failed to protect Tang Ruoyao, but she also got herself trapped again.

One night after the first time, the moon hung high in the sky, and a dark cloud drifted by, just covering the soft white moon. In the darkness, Qin Yinong pushed open Tang Ruoyao's door and quietly walked in.

The girl was sleeping soundly, with fine beads of sweat on her smooth and delicate forehead.

Qin Yinong instinctively checked the temperature of the heater and turned it down a bit. Since the temperature couldn't drop immediately, she went back to the drawer in the living room, took out a small fan, and started fanning herself.

Tang Ruoyao's nostrils flared, and the previously slightly furrowed brows relaxed, revealing a look of comfort.

The corner of Qin Yinong's lips curved into a faint smile, fleeting as it was.

She opened her mouth and silently, awkwardly uttered two words.

"Yaoyao."

She repeated it over and over, growing more fluent with each repetition.

"Yaoyao."

"Yaoyao."

The icy coldness in her chest slowly warmed at the sound of this name, all the warmth gathering at the tip of her heart, condensing into a single, burning point.

She couldn't bear to let go, couldn't bear to lose the only person in this world who made her feel warmth.

But she couldn't express her love, couldn't completely possess her.

She had already lost one person, she couldn't risk losing Tang Ruoyao too. If she lost her, she would definitely die. It doesn't matter if she dies, but she hasn't seen Ningning grow up yet.

Qin Yinong reached out, her fingertips brushing the young woman's cheek. She leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, then quietly stood up and left, as if she had never been there.

The two of them still occasionally met in this house, without any prior arrangement, just relying on fate. However, the number of their meetings increased, and they were once again drawn to each other. After having been int!mate once, it naturally happened again one night.

After that, there were the third, fourth, and many more times. One couldn't bear to leave, clearly wanting to distance themselves but unable to resist getting closer, cutting off water with a knife, drinking poison to quench thirst; the other adhered to the canary's duty, enduring and waiting for the contract period to end, while simultaneously getting deeply trapped in a gentle snare.

The red thread of fate bound them tightly.

The once meaningless piece of paper turned out to be real after all the twists and turns, and Qin Yinong no longer had the chance to reveal the truth from back then.

"An Ling," Qin Yinong pushed the door open and said in a clear voice, "Do me a favor."

An Ling was on the phone and gestured for her to wait. After hanging up, she walked over and sat on the sofa. The secretary brought two cups of coffee. Qin Yinong got straight to the point, "Help me promote someone."

"Who?"

Qin Yinong handed her a document.

An Ling read the name above, "Tang Ruoyao, a third-year student at the Capital Drama Academy, starring in 'Cold Jie's Rouge.'" She nodded, "Not bad. Are you planning to sign her to the studio?"

"No, she already has a company. It's called Star Media, it says so in the information."

An Ling put on a stern face and said, "Why support her when she already has a company?"

Qin Yinong said, "Because I want to."

"Is there a difference?" An Ling asked.

"Yes," Qin Yinong replied bluntly, "She's my lover."

An Ling spat out a mouthful of coffee, and Qin Yinong quickly turned her head to avoid it.

An Ling glared and said, "What did you say?"

Qin Yinong succinctly said, "In short, I want to support her and give her all the best resources." I want to see her shine brightly, see her find her soulmate, see her live a life full of joy and peace.

'After leaving me, she must live well'

An Ling looked at her strangely, "You don't mean a kept lover, do you?"

Qin Yinong nodded.

Just take it as it is.

An Ling shook her head helplessly, "You really are..." For so many years, rumors had spread about her having a nonexistent lover, but who would have thought she actually had one, and it was a college student at that.

Qin Yinong smiled and said, "Am I impressive?"

An Ling said, "Impressive, but I expect to be compensated for my support."

"Fair enough."

After discussing the terms, Qin Yinong said, "I want to shift the focus of my career abroad, so I won't be appearing in the country often anymore."

An Ling replied directly, "Fine."

There's a special magnetic field between people in love. Tang Ruoyao was perceptive, and even if Qin Yinong tried to draw a clear line, she could still sense Qin Yinong's affection from the smallest clues. So, before things spiraled out of control, Qin Yinong chose to go abroad.

Seeing each other every three months, four months, or even six months, the distance has effectively cooled their relationship.

Guan Han came over with a phone, "Miss Tang wants to talk to you." Two years later, Guan Han was still the same, expressionless and not at all endearing.

Tang Ruoyao rarely takes the initiative to ask to talk to her anymore. Qin Yinong raised an eyebrow, put down the glass filled with liquor, brought the receiver to her ear, and said softly, "What's wrong?"

Tang Ruoyao's fingers dug into her palm as she said, "I've been nominated for Best Actress at this year's Golden Laurel Awards."

Qin Yinong said, "Congratulations, I wish you the best of luck." After a pause, she added apologetically, "But I have to serve as a presenter at the Cannes Film Festival, and I can only return to the country after the closing ceremony."

The Golden Laurel Awards were two days after the closing ceremony, so there was still time.

Tang Ruoyao said, "I know." Her voice trembled slightly with excitement.

Will she come?

She will come, right?

Qin Yinong handed the phone back to Guan Han, a glimmer of pride flashing in her eyes as she boasted, "Yaoyao has been nominated for Best Actress at the Golden Laurel Awards."

Guan Han said, "Congratulations."

Qin Yinong looked at her.

Guan Han managed to squeeze out another sentence, "Miss Yao will definitely win an award."

Qin Yinong nodded in satisfaction.

Guan Han said, "Do you want to book a flight back to the country?"

Qin Yinong's smile faltered.

After a long pause, she picked up the glass from the bar counter and walked back to her room. The bedroom lights were off, and the hallway lights cast a long shadow behind her. The woman slowly disappeared into the darkness.

She will love her for a lifetime, from birth to death, even if she never knows.

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