CHAPTER 149
Tang Ruoyao stood at the door, her heart skipping a beat, a chill running up her spine.
She dared not make a sound, afraid of startling her. Yet, she also dared not remain silent, fearing it might be too late if she didn't speak up.
Qin Yinong sat quietly, her slender arms resting on the windowsill, allowing the strong wind to tousle her long hair, motionless.
Tang Ruoyao held her breath, her body filled with the chilling sensation as she slowly approached, making sure she was two steps behind, ensuring that she could reach out and embrace her at the first opportunity. Her voice sounded hoarse as she gently spoke from behind, "Qin Yinong."
Qin Yinong turned her head and glanced at her.
Then she smiled. Her lips curved first, followed by her eyebrows and eyes.
She actually smiled.
Tang Ruoyao didn't know how to describe that smile. Her nose seemed as if someone had punched it hard, and tears streamed down her face without warning. She reached out her hands, assuming a posture to catch her, her throat choked as she said, "Can you come down? Please?"
Qin Yinong tilted her head, gazing at the embrace that was within arm's reach, warm yet seemingly unattainable.
Ruoyao.
As if it were so far away.
No matter how close they once were, in the end, they would still lose each other. So everything they experienced would repeat itself, including the loss. This was the destiny predetermined by fate, unavoidable and inescapable.
She wanted to shake her head, but seeing the crystal tears on the young woman's cheeks under the moonlight instinctively softened her heart.
"Don't cry." she sighed, speaking softly.
Her heart ached from her crying.
Today, it had hurt so many times that she felt like she was dying.
Tang Ruoyao's tears surged, crying even more fiercely as she said, "Can you come down, please?"
Qin Yinong looked at her for a long time before reluctantly placing her hand in the young woman's palm. Tang Ruoyao's palm was cold, lacking the warmth it used to have, perhaps because she had frightened her, but it was still firm.
Qin Yinong felt a strong force pulling her away from the windowsill, and then her whole body was enveloped in a warm embrace, held tightly.
The sound of Tang Ruoyao's painful sobbing echoed in her ears.
Qin Yinong struggled slightly to free herself and, when their eyes met, she pulled the sobbing Tang Ruoyao back into her embrace, gently stroking her long hair and soothingly saying, "Don't be afraid." She added a hint of a smile and said, "This is the second floor. Even if we fall, we won't die. At most, we'll break a few bones, and we'll just have to lie down for a few days."
Tang Ruoyao was not comforted by her words, she just continued to cry.
If she were living on the twentieth floor, or the thirtieth floor, would she still sit perilously on the windy window ledge, alone, staring into the deep night, searching for a reason to continue living? Is it responsibility, or something else?
The strong wind blew, shaking her figure. Looking down at the ground below, she might have thought, why not just jump off and end it all? Death would be better than enduring the unbearable pain of the world.
Tang Ruoyao cried, not only for the scene before her eyes, but also for Qin Yinong, who had struggled alone in the darkness for more than a decade.
Qin Yinong no longer tried to persuade her, she waited until Tang Ruoyao calmed down.
Tang Ruoyao's eyes were swollen from crying, and Qin Yinong kissed her swollen eyelids. She went to the small refrigerator and took out two ice bags, sitting on the couch and pressing them against Tang Ruoyao's shoulders. Despite Tang Ruoyao's awkward expression, she applied them to her eyes.
"Don't move, be good."
Tang Ruoyao looked embarrassed.
She had come here to comfort Qin Yinong, but ended up crying herself into a sobbing mess. What kind of comfort was that?
Tang Ruoyao closed her eyes, enjoying the care of the woman. Her fingers traced the ice bags and reached Qin Yinong's cold wrist. She asked with concern, "Are you cold?"
Qin Yinong gave a nonchalant response, "The ice bags? Of course, they're cold."
Tang Ruoyao said, "I'm asking if you're cold from sitting in the wind."
"It's fine." Qin Yinong replied with her signature answer.
"Why did you sit there? It's very dangerous."
"I'm looking for inspiration." Qin Yinong began to make up nonsense, no longer caring if Tang Ruoyao could tell she was lying or subconsciously hoping that the other party could see through her poor lies.
"What kind of inspiration?" Tang Ruoyao cooperated and asked.
"I have a new script that I need to get a feel for the characters."
"What script? Can I take a look?"
"It's confidential." Qin Yinong said.
"I can't even see it despite our relationship?"
"What relationship do we have?" Qin Yinong knowingly asked.
"Don't you know?"
"I don't know."
"I thought we had reached a consensus a long time ago." Tang Ruoyao took Qin Yinong's right hand, which was holding the ice bag, and held it in her own palm. She gazed into the woman's black eyes and said seriously, "You are my girlfriend, and in the future, you will be my wife. Together forever, never to be separated."
In an instant, Qin Yinong felt a surge of warmth in her eyes. She had always prided herself on self-control, but at this moment, she couldn't hold back. It wasn't until Tang Ruoyao gently wiped away the tears from her face with her thumb that Qin Yinong suppressed her choking and said in a cold voice, "I never agreed to that."
"You did." Tang Ruoyao remained calm.
"I didn't."
"You did."
"I didn't."
The two of them argued like children, childish, repeating the monotonous conversation.
Tang Ruoyao smiled and asked, "Then why did you record the voice navigation for me?"
Qin Yinong, disregarding logic, said, "I recorded it for the fans. Everyone can listen to it. Don't be presumptuous."
Tang Ruoyao took out her phone from her pocket and, under Qin Yinong's gaze, searched for their chat history.
Qin Yinong held her hand.
Tang Ruoyao looked up at her and raised an eyebrow, saying, "Admit it, it was recorded for me alone?"
Qin Yinong said, "So what if I changed my mind now?"
Tang Ruoyao thought for a moment and said with a smile, "You can't."
Qin Yinong couldn't argue with her, and she didn't have the heart to push her away. She turned her face away and stopped looking at her.
Tang Ruoyao moved closer to her, hugging her from behind, with both hands wrapped around her waist.
A long time passed.
She leaned her head and affectionately rubbed against Qin Yinong's temple, pressing against the woman's ear, gently calling out, "Baby."
A drop of warmth suddenly splashed on Tang Ruoyao's hand, and tears fell from Qin Yinong's eyes.
Silently shedding tears, Qin Yinong's heart felt like it was being cut by a knife. She pleaded, "Can you please not be with me anymore?"
Tang Ruoyao's heart ached with a suffocating pain, and she held her tighter. "I can't."
She didn't know what had happened to Qin Yinong, and Qin Yinong wasn't the type to easily share. Now, Tang Ruoyao once again pointed the sharp knife at herself, and she could only face the blade with her tainted heart because she knew that Qin Yinong would only feel more pain than her.
She wanted to take her out of the depths of pain, and even if she couldn't, she was willing to accompany her in sinking together. Whether it was in the mortal realm or in hell, they would live together, die together, and never let go.
Qin Yinong took a deep breath, forcing back her tears, and said cruelly, "I saved you back then because you look a lot like your mother. Perhaps you don't know, but when I was a child, we were neighbors. I really liked your mother, she gave me the motherly love I longed for, so I always remembered her. Later, when I met you, I recognized you at first glance. Being with you was only because you are her daughter. I have never truly loved you, never loved... Tang Ruoyao."
Qin Yinong bit her lower lip until it bled.
Tang Ruoyao said, "I already knew. I went to Hengjia Flower Garden and found our former neighbors."
A cruel smile tugged at the corner of Qin Yinong's lips as she said, "That's convenient then. It saves me the trouble of proving it to you again."
Tang Ruoyao calmly said, "But I don't believe a word of what you just said."
Qin Yinong coldly replied, "Believe it or not, it's up to you."
She stood up to leave but was pulled back by Tang Ruoyao. She fell into her embrace, with Tang Ruoyao holding the back of her head, leaning over to kiss her.
Their lips met, and Qin Yinong's numbed heart strangely regained some sensation, beating vividly. It was as if a weary bird had finally found its long-lost warm nest. She almost couldn't wait to dive into it, not thinking about anything, not caring about anything, just closing her eyes peacefully and falling asleep, sleeping until the world turned dark, immersed in dreams of warm spring grass.
But she couldn't.
At the critical moment, Qin Yinong pushed her away and raised her hand high.
Tang Ruoyao didn't dodge or avoid, her gaze shifting from the palm three centimeters away from her cheek, falling into the woman's sorrowful eyes.
A dull pain reached her heart.
Qin Yinong slowly lowered her hand, the storm in her eyes returning to calmness. She said, "Please, Miss Tang, have some self-respect."
She had made up her mind to refuse, to shut out all emotions.
Tang Ruoyao stared at her for a long time, deciding to push back and break through from another direction. She asked, "You don't want to be with me because you're afraid of putting me in danger, right?"
The most important question had already been resolved, and Tang Ruoyao couldn't think of any other reason. Given Qin Yinong's personality, it was highly likely that she didn't want to bring danger upon herself.
Qin Yinong remained silent.
Tang Ruoyao asked again, "You haven't been willing to see me lately, is it because someone wants to harm me?"
Qin Yinong's expression was calm, without the slightest trace of fluctuation.
Tang Ruoyao thought, "It shouldn't be. Since she made a three-month agreement with me, it means she's confident in resolving it. Although Qin Yinong appears strong on the outside and fragile on the inside, her strength is not just a facade. She has the capability to make me fear and give up, even resorting to harsh words. Such a person should not exist."
They had spoken on the phone last night, and Qin Yinong had gently said "Goodnight" to her. The unexpected change must have happened today.
What could have happened today?
Ningning's exposure, the reporters surrounding her, and something that Guan Han hadn't told her.
In her mind, the image of Ji Shulan's misty teary eyes flashed by, followed by the guilt-filled eyes upstairs, and the subtle hostility Guan Han displayed towards Ji Shulan downstairs. Tang Ruoyao had a thought.
"Did your mother do something?"
Qin Yinong's eyelashes trembled ever so slightly.
"What did she do?" Tang Ruoyao asked, pursuing the matter.
Qin Yinong lowered her gaze and sighed, "She told Qin Hongjian about Ningning's existence."
After a moment of contemplation, Tang Ruoyao's anger surged forth. Qin Hongjian had already betrayed his own daughter once, and now he didn't even spare his granddaughter!
Instead of immediately venting her anger and joining forces with Qin Yinong against them, Tang Ruoyao understood that Qin Yinong's sadness didn't stem from Qin Hongjian's actions. After all, she never harbored any illusions about him. It was Ji Shulan who had stabbed her in the back once again when she needed family support the most.
First, it was her father, and now her mother. How history repeats itself.
No wonder she locked herself in the room alone.
Tang Ruoyao embraced Qin Yinong gently and said, "It's okay. They don't love you, but I do. I will always stand by your side."
Qin Yinong remained silent, slowly pushing her away.
She gave her the order to leave, saying, "You can go now."
Of course, Tang Ruoyao didn't leave.
Qin Yinong avoided her gaze, stood up, and silently walked towards the door.
Tang Ruoyao stared at her retreating figure and suddenly said, "I found out something recently."
Qin Yinong didn't stop her steps.
Tang Ruoyao continued, "The cousin you mentioned is actually not your cousin but your sister. Her name is Qin Luning, right?"
Qin Yinong's pace slowed down slightly, but she didn't stop.
"Ningning looks so much like you, she should be your sister's daughter." Tang Ruoyao closed her eyes, pressing her hand against her pounding heart. She took a deep breath before finally asking the question that had been lingering in her chest, "How did she... die?"
Qin Yinong completely froze in place, her body stiffening inch by inch.
Blood, a bathtub filled with blood, a lifeless face, a cold body, it all came back to her.
Her mouth opened slightly, tasting the saltiness of tears.
At the moment Qin Yinong stood up, Tang Ruoyao suddenly understood what she was afraid of.
She wasn't afraid of any person, she was afraid of fate.
Her first half of life had been played with by fate. Unfortunate childhood, betrayed by her biological father in the entertainment industry's treacherous waters, struggling for years before finally finding stability, only to have her loved ones leave, deeply affecting her. She spent three years in a state of emptiness and finally started to regain a new life. She longed for the future she was about to have with her loved one, willing to pay any price for it.
But history was repeating itself, how ironic.
First, Ningning's exposure, facing the daunting media alone, and then once again facing betrayal from her family when she returned home. What would be the next step? Would it be the departure of her beloved? If it was just a simple departure, it would be manageable, but what if it was... death, like Qin Luning?
Don't say that fate wouldn't be so cruel. Fate had already been cruel to her once, so why wouldn't there be a second time?
She was cursed.
Her life was destined not to have love, not to have affection. She was born to be uncertain.
Qin Yinong opened a bottle of wine, took two glasses, and sat side by side with Tang Ruoyao on the floor by the window. The moonlight was pale, her cheeks were pale, devoid of any trace of color.
"My sister committed suicide," Qin Yinong took a sip of wine, her cold fingers tracing the icy glass. Her hand trembled, her voice quivered, but she continued, "Postpartum depression, she slashed her wrists and died in the bathtub. I was the first person to find her."
In just a few words, Tang Ruoyao found it difficult to breathe, unable to catch her breath.
She wanted Qin Yinong to stop, as she was tearing her own heart apart, but Tang Ruoyao understood that only by revealing everything could they scrape away the rotten flesh, let the fresh blood flow, and heal the wounds.
"For a long time after her death, I was in a daze, unable to accept reality," Qin Yinong hugged her knees tightly, curling up, her chin resting on her knees. She continued, "Life was supposed to get better every day. I made movies, earned a lot of money, made Qin Hongjian divorce my mother, bought a big house, had a niece, and... fell in love with someone."
Tang Ruoyao was deeply moved, turning her head to look at Qin Yinong, whose eyes were shining brightly as she spoke.
She could imagine that Qin Yinong was full of hope for life at that time. It was the light of hope, but also the light of the departed.
Qin Yinong's voice lowered, and the light in her eyes gradually dimmed. "I don't understand why my sister died. Did I do something wrong?"
Tang Ruoyao was about to deny it when Qin Yinong tightened her arms around herself, holding herself tightly. She said in a low voice, "Yes, I was too careless, too busy. I didn't come home early that day. If I had come home earlier, could I have saved her?"
Tang Ruoyao said, "It's not your fault."
Qin Yinong buried her head in her knees.
"After that, she appeared in my nightmares, repeating the scenes of that day over and over again. Sometimes I dream that I'm the one lying in the bathtub, and the red blood slowly rises, covering my mouth and nose. I desperately call for help, but no sound comes out. I watch helplessly as I suffocate, my face turning purple, my long hair floating on the water's surface like tangled weeds. When I wake up, I don't know if I'm alive or dead. What's the difference between being alive or dead? Perhaps death would be a little easier."
Tang Ruoyao found Qin Yinong's intertwined hands and held her left hand tightly.
Qin Yinong lifted her head from her knees and smiled at her reassuringly. "I'm fine, it's all in the past."
Tang Ruoyao's gaze was calm. "Has it really passed?"
Qin Yinong remained silent for a long time.
Tang Ruoyao asked again, "What are you afraid of then?"
Qin Yinong opened her mouth, and the hand that was empty clenched tightly on the fabric of her pants.
"Yes..." Tang Ruoyao took a deep breath and stared into the woman's eyes, cruelly thrusting a knife into her heart with each word, twisting the handle, causing blood to gush out. Her voice hoarse, she said, "Are you afraid that I will die like your sister?"
A layer of blood spread in Qin Yinong's eyes in an instant, turning even her eyeballs red, almost spilling tears of blood.
She took deep breaths, her eyes burning red, staring at Tang Ruoyao fiercely, tears brimming in her eyes.
Tang Ruoyao pressed her head against hers, forcefully pushing her forward.
Tears instantly soaked a large patch of fabric, and Qin Yinong buried her face in Tang Ruoyao's embrace, clutching her clothes, from silent surges to heart-wrenching sobs.
"I've been trying so hard to survive, why is it still not enough?"
"I haven't done anything wrong in my entire life. I've even helped so many people. Why do I end up with these kinds of results?"
"What does the heavens want me to go through before it will let me be free..."
"Do I have to die to find relief..."
"Why..."
Tang Ruoyao lifted her face, tightly biting her lower lip as tears poured down.
She couldn't answer any of those questions.
All she could do was tighten her arms, hold the other person tightly, and use her meager warmth to resist this world that excessively blamed and burdened women.
Qin Yinong's tears burst forth, as if wanting to vent all the grievances and resentments of half her life, letting out the tears she had endured. She cried until her whole body trembled, choked with sobs, unable to utter another word.
After a long time, the crying in her embrace gradually subsided.
Qin Yinong sniffed and slowly moved away from her embrace to find the bottle of alcohol she had placed aside earlier.
Tang Ruoyao reached out and held her hand, stopping her from reaching for the bottle, and said, "It's late, you should go to sleep."
Qin Yinong lowered her gaze and said, "You should go back." Her attitude was no longer as stubborn as before.
Tang Ruoyao said, "You owe me clothes."
Qin Yinong raised her eyes, unable to hide her astonishment.
Tang Ruoyao pointed to her own shirt, soaked as if it had been fished out of water, and confidently said, "You have to compensate me with a new one."
Qin Yinong helplessly replied, "I'll have Guan Han buy you a new one."
She remembered that her phone was broken and stood up from the floor, saying, "Is Guan Han downstairs?"
Tang Ruoyao moved faster than her and quickly walked to the door, locking it, and then walked back, saying, "They're all asleep. I'll stay here tonight. I'm about the same height as you, so I can wear your clothes too."
Tang Ruoyao opened her wardrobe, scanning through it, and without asking, she took a nightgown and said, "Let's settle for this. I'll go take a shower. Is the bathroom in this direction?"
Qin Yinong stared at her in astonishment as she helped herself without asking, and once again, chose to intrude without permission and entered the bathroom.
Inside, there were only Qin Yinong's toiletries. Shampoo and shower gel were one thing, but a toothbrush couldn't be shared. As expected, as soon as Tang Ruoyao entered, she asked, "Where's my toothbrush? And where's a towel?"
Qin Yinong: "..."
As she was contemplating where to find a spare toothbrush, Tang Ruoyao leaned against the door, sticking her head out mischievously, acting out of character compared to her usual image. Qin Yinong suddenly burst into laughter.
Clearing her throat, Qin Yinong said, "I'll go get it for you."
Tang Ruoyao asked, "Where? Downstairs?"
Qin Yinong nodded.
Worried that she might change her mind as soon as she went out, Tang Ruoyao made up her mind that no one should step out of the room tonight. She suggested, "Why don't you ask Guan Han to bring it up?"
"But my phone..."
"Mine isn't broken." So Tang Ruoyao naturally summoned Qin Yinong's assistant, Guan Han. Guan Han obediently brought the spare toothbrush and towel. When Tang Ruoyao took them from her at the door, Guan Han thanked her.
Tang Ruoyao smiled back but didn't respond to her thanks.
Qin Yinong belonged to her, and it was her duty to take care of her.
Qin Yinong sat on the couch, watching Tang Ruoyao enter the bathroom with a toothbrush in one hand and a towel in the other. Then came the sound of the shower.
It wasn't a particularly pleasant sound, and to some extent, it could even be called noise, but she fell asleep just like that. With her head lowered and still sitting, the sound of even breathing filled the room.
Perhaps she was tired from crying, or perhaps she had finally found a place of peace.
When Tang Ruoyao stepped out of the bathroom, her long black hair cascading down her back, covered in steam, she raised her eyes but swallowed the "Qin" that was about to come out of her mouth. She quietly walked to the side of the couch, crouched down, and gazed up at the sleeping face of the woman.
There were no furrowed brows for now, that's good.
Afraid of waking the lightly sleeping Qin Yinong, Tang Ruoyao didn't dare to touch her. However, her legs started to go numb from squatting, and Qin Yinong showed no signs of waking.
Tang Ruoyao reached one hand around Qin Yinong's knee, attempting to lift her up. As expected, with a slight movement, Qin Yinong woke up, her eyes dazed. Tang Ruoyao let go and asked her, "Do you want to take a shower?"
Her clothes were all wrinkled.
Qin Yinong obediently responded, "Mmm."
Tang Ruoyao immediately said, "I'll go get your clothes." Qin Yinong's wardrobe was easy to differentiate between sleepwear and everyday clothes. Tang Ruoyao casually grabbed a white silk nightgown and held it up, asking, "Is this one okay?"
Qin Yinong nodded.
Tang Ruoyao placed it in the bathroom for her.From inside the bathroom, Qin Yinong saw that Tang Ruoyao had squeezed toothpaste onto the sink before coming out.
"Alright, go take a shower." The young woman walked up to her, her smile radiant.
Qin Yinong took a few steps and glanced back at Tang Ruoyao, pursing her lips.
Tang Ruoyao paused for a moment, then suddenly understood and followed her.
Qin Yinong closed the bathroom door, and Tang Ruoyao's shadow remained outside, never straying from the entrance. Qin Yinong stared at that figure the whole time, not taking her eyes off it until she finished showering and came out.
Tang Ruoyao held Qin Yinong's hand and sat her down on the edge of the bed. She dried her hair and shook the soft blanket, tucking the woman inside.
The corners of the blanket covering their shoulders were tucked in tightly, but Tang Ruoyao kept pressing them even tighter. Qin Yinong's eyes revealed a hint of helplessness as she said, "That's enough."
"No, it's not." Tang Ruoyao almost wanted to wrap her up like a dumpling, adjusting the left and right sides. "You've been exposed to the cold wind for so long. If you don't sleep warmer tonight, you'll catch a cold tomorrow."
Qin Yinong couldn't help but say, "Aren't you..."
She stopped halfway, closing her eyes, her ears turning slightly red.
But Tang Ruoyao understood. She smiled and said, "I need to lie down for a while to warm up. It's still chilly now. I'll cuddle with you when I'm warm. Just wait for a bit."
Even though it was her own desire to cuddle, she made it sound like Qin Yinong was impatient. Qin Yinong opened her eyes, wanting to say something, but her vision darkened for a moment, then brightened again, feeling a soft and warm touch on her forehead.
Qin Yinong completely forgot the words she had planned to say.
She shifted slightly to the side.
The bed was large, and she was already lying on one side. This action was an obvious hint that couldn't be any clearer.
Tang Ruoyao understood and lay down, maintaining a one-person distance between them. The small heater silently started emitting warmth.
Qin Yinong's slender fingers gently curled, moving slowly beneath the blanket. When they touched a warm hand, she didn't move. Tang Ruoyao turned her palm over, interlocking their fingers and holding Qin Yinong's cold fingers, tilting her head to look at her, her eyes filled with a smile.
"When we were arguing earlier, during the part where I asked you what our relationship was, you said you hadn't promised me anything," Tang Ruoyao suddenly said.
Qin Yinong's memory wasn't that bad. She could forget what she had just said, but she said, "To be your girlfriend."
Tang Ruoyao let out a long breath, a shallow smile revealing the small dimple on her left cheek.
"Okay, I agree."
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