CHAPTER 139

"You all go rest first." Tang Ruoyao's face showed remorse as she apologized to her three roommates in front of her. "Coming all the way here and ruining your mood, I'm sorry."

Wen Shuxian had been fuming for a while now and was still angry even when she heard the apology. Tears streamed down her face as she said, "Why are you apologizing to us? Aren't we friends?"

Cui Jiaran sighed and said, "Yeah, what's the matter with you? Explain it to us." She had been happily planning to confess her feelings when they first arrived, and now everything had turned upside down, leaving Cui Jiaran confused.

Tang Ruoyao remained silent.

Fu Yujun lowered her voice and said, "You all go back first. I'll stay here with her."

Fu Yujun was capable of handling ten people alone, and Wen Shuxian knew her own limitations. She didn't object and left with Cui Jiaran. Before leaving, Wen Shuxian glanced back, only to see Tang Ruoyao still bowing her head.

She walked out into the corridor and suddenly pounded the wall with force.

Fu Yujun surveyed Tang Ruoyao's clean and tidy room. She walked around the room, picked up the electric kettle from the table, filled it with water, and plugged it in to boil.

The water in the kettle made a bubbling sound, and white steam emerged. Fu Yujun handed a dry towel to Tang Ruoyao, who thanked her and placed the hot towel on her face, letting out a long sigh of relief.

Fu Yujun took out two cups, washed them, and placed them on the table. She poured two glasses of water.

"Do you want to take a shower and freshen up first?" Fu Yujun nodded toward Tang Ruoyao's disheveled appearance and straightforwardly said, "You look quite disheveled right now."

"Yes." Tang Ruoyao's mind, which had been in chaos all night, was starting to regain some clarity. "I'll go now. You wait here for a while."

Fu Yujun raised an eyebrow. "Go ahead."

The sound of running water came from the bathroom.

Fu Yujun thought for a moment, took out her phone from her pocket, and sent a message to Guan Han.

They had played games face to face tonight, and she had helped Guan Han get revenge three times, establishing a certain level of friendship. Her intention to get closer to Guan Han was initially for future contingencies, as there was no harm in making more friends. She didn't expect it to come in handy so soon.

The content of the message didn't hold much significance; it was just a simple inquiry: [When should we play together again?]

Fu Yujun tapped her finger on her knee and locked her phone screen.

The boiled water was still hot, but Tang Ruoyao had already finished her shower and came out. Her long hair was wet, and she hadn't bothered to dry herself properly. Water droplets rolled down her cheeks and neck. She sat across from Fu Yujun, surrounded by steam, with red and swollen eyelids.

Fu Yujun let out a sigh and got up to find a large towel for Tang Ruoyao. She placed it on her head and said, "Wipe yourself."

"Thank you." Tang Ruoyao didn't waste any time. While drying her hair, she poured out everything that had happened tonight to Fu Yujun, speaking rapidly as if pouring beans from a bamboo tube.

She could think clearly on her own, but her reactions were always slow. Every time Qin Yinong spoke to her, she needed to ponder for a long time, meticulously analyzing the other person and then convincing herself. In the past, it would take her several hours or even a whole night to think through a single matter. Now with so many things piled up together, she needed even more time.

But what she lacked most now was time. She didn't have the luxury to think slowly.

Fu Yujun had already reminded her once, knowing about her past with Qin Yinong and her emotional journey on the set. As an observer, Fu Yujun could undoubtedly save her a lot of time.

Tang Ruoyao's mind was filled with images. When it came to crucial moments, the overwhelming impact she had experienced was still present. Her eyes welled up with tears several times, but she held them back and continued speaking calmly.

Even Fu Yujun, who was usually composed, unconsciously opened her mouth wide several times. This...

Tang Ruoyao finished speaking, her eyes red and wide open, looking at the person in front of her as if she were a drowning person clutching onto a lifeline.

Fu Yujun received an overwhelming amount of information, and her brain was overloaded. She raised a hand and said, "I... I need to think for a moment, wait here."

Tang Ruoyao obediently nodded and said, "Take your time, I won't say anything."

While Fu Yujun was deep in thought, Tang Ruoyao wasn't idle either. She lowered her head, clasping her hands tightly together, concentrating on her thoughts. However, feelings of regret and self-blame mingled within, making her unable to stop recalling the desperate look in Qin Yinong's eyes.

"I will love you for a lifetime, from birth to death. What about you?"

"Are you sure you can handle my past, present, and future? Can you face the unknown storms together with me?"

"What I want is someone who can pull me out when I'm about to give up on myself, not someone who briefly pulls me out but then pushes me deeper into the abyss. When my sister died, I almost died too. If I lose you as well, I will truly die. I'll ask you one more time, are you sure?"

If she were Han Zifei, she would embrace her without hesitation.

If she were Tang Ruoyao, she would be ecstatic to finally receive a response. As for what would happen after that, she couldn't guarantee anything. She wouldn't easily agree, but she might sit down with Qin Yinong and have a rational discussion. In any case, she wouldn't be cowardly and choose to flee on the spot.

But both of them were, and yet neither of them were.

Who was she exactly?

Tang Ruoyao fell into unprecedented self-doubt and self-denial.

She couldn't even recognize her original self anymore.

A tear splashed onto the floor, and she immediately raised her hand to wipe it away with the back of her hand, biting her knuckles hard.

Stop crying. Only cowards keep crying.

How did she become like this?

Tang Ruoyao's eyes were bloodshot, and she had bitten her knuckles until they bled. She was startled when Fu Yujun called her name.

Tang Ruoyao was on the verge of collapse, her eyes devoid of any luster.

Fu Yujun hurriedly called her name.

Tang Ruoyao slowly regained focus in her eyes, relaxed her clenched teeth, and said, "I'm fine, go on."

Fu Yujun abandoned the idea of starting from the beginning and said directly, "You haven't done anything wrong."

Tang Ruoyao thought this was her attempt to console her and forced a faint smile, palely saying, "Thank you."

Fu Yujun looked into her eyes and said earnestly, "If I were there today, I wouldn't have done any better than you."

Those involved are often confused, while bystanders see clearly. Tang Ruoyao's feelings for Qin Yinong were deep, even if she doubted the depth of those feelings in her own heart. But Fu Yujun had been watching her all along, and her affection was definitely not just superficial.

Tang Ruoyao's expression froze slightly.

Fu Yujun continued, "I know you blame yourself now, but did she have no fault at all? What does it mean to say she would die without you? Have you ever heard of anyone confessing like that?"

She performed a live show, pretending there was a lover in front of her and emotionally saying, "I like you, I want to be with you. But if you break up with me in the future, I will die."

Tang Ruoyao: "..."

Fu Yujun: "Who wouldn't think about it? Loving someone is one thing, but who would be willing to take a life for the sake of a relationship? Don't blame me for being harsh, others might employ moral coercion, but she is manipulating with a human life."

Tang Ruoyao thought she was being relatively mild. If it were Wen Shuxian here, she would definitely say, "You're crazy, go get treated, the mental hospital is waiting for you."

Subconsciously, Tang Ruoyao defended Qin Yinong, "It's not like that. It's because of her family situation that she..." Tang Ruoyao considered her words for a moment and said, "had a slight tendency towards extremism."

Fu Yujun raised her voice, "What she is because of is her own business. Her confession like that is a matter between the two of you! She's an independent adult, thirty years old, not a child. Why should others be responsible for her life and even her life itself?!"

Tang Ruoyao couldn't refute for a moment, pursed her lips, and said softly, "In any case, don't speak ill of her. I didn't come here to have you curse her." She lowered her head, "Curse me instead, say whatever you want."

Fu Yujun continued with her words, "Okay, I'll curse you now."

Tang Ruoyao immediately raised her head, her eyes bright, looking like she was listening to a lecture.

Fu Yujun said, "Your biggest mistake was being led into a pit by her series of questions, completely losing your ability to think and judge." She asked in confusion, "Where was your brain?"

Tang Ruoyao forced a bitter smile.

"Maybe it was eaten by a dog at that time." Tang Ruoyao self-deprecatingly said, now the dog hasn't spit it out for her either. She rubbed her face with her hands, patted her cheeks, and tried her best to recall that chaotic period in her mind.

After a while.

Tang Ruoyao said, "From the moment she started questioning whether Han Zifei loved Shen Muqing more or if I loved her more, I became confused. I never even considered that question. When I loved her, I loved her with all my heart and soul, and when I was Han Zifei, I loved Shen Muqing with all my heart and soul. I'm not fickle, nor am I passionate." Tang Ruoyao's eyes teared up, murmuring, "Why does it have to be divided?" She couldn't distinguish, because it was all one hundred percent.

Fu Yujun asked, "Then why didn't you tell her at the time?"

Tang Ruoyao sniffed and said, "How could I tell her? To me, she was not only someone I liked but also my teacher, my sister, my guide in life. I subconsciously felt she was right and I was wrong. I didn't know where I went wrong, so how could I say it?"

And Tang Ruoyao had been Qin Yinong's lover for three years. Deep down, she was always afraid of Qin Yinong. When Qin Yinong put on a serious face and educated her, Tang Ruoyao didn't dare to utter a word. She would say whatever Qin Yinong said.

Fu Yujun sighed softly and leaned over to take out a few tissues from the tissue box, handing them to her.

Tang Ruoyao took them but just held them in her hand.

"She said actors who fall in love on set have a filter. I saw the perfect version of her, but when the movie ended, the filter that belonged to Han Zifei disappeared, and the person I saw was no longer the same." As Tang Ruoyao spoke, her thoughts, which had been led astray by Qin Yinong, gradually cleared. She suddenly muttered a curse under her breath.

Fu Yujun: "Hmm?"

Tang Ruoyao cursed again, not only cursing herself but also cursing Qin Yinong.

D*mn woman.

When did Qin Yinong become flawless in her eyes? Clearly, she had plenty of flaws, was a closed-off person, loved to say one thing and mean another, and always managed to infuriate her. She still remembered what happened with Lin Ruohan, pushing her towards her during the day and crying in her room at night!

And today, confidently saying things that seemed plausible but were actually nonsense!

Tang Ruoyao's anger surged.

Why didn't she think of it at that time?

Did Shen Muqing ever make Han Zifei angry? Did Han Zifei ever bite Shen Muqing's face out of anger?Qin Yinong and Shen Muqing were clearly completely different! Was she really unable to distinguish who was who? She simply liked Qin Yinong, liked her quirks, occasional shyness, and the calmness she displayed when teasing her.Fu Yujun looked at Tang Ruoyao's pale face, which had gained a hint of rosy color due to her sudden anger, and couldn't help but raise the corner of her lips.

She was no longer wearing that expressionless look, she should be recovering to normal soon.

Tang Ruoyao finished the lukewarm water in her cup, stretched her stiff shoulders and neck, and stood up, saying, "I'll go pour another glass."

Fu Yujun handed her the empty cup in her hand. "Pour me one too."

Tang Ruoyao placed the two glasses of water on the coffee table, sat back down, pinched the bridge of her nose, and let out a deep sigh.

Fu Yujun chuckled, "What's wrong?"

Tang Ruoyao shook her head, "Nothing, I just feel... " She tugged at the corner of her lips, the curvature of which expressed a smile that wasn't really a smile, and said with a touch of sadness, "I guess I'm not mature enough. She never believed in me."

No matter what she does, it's as if she's digging her heart out, yet Qin Yinong still doesn't believe that she truly loves her unconditionally. Even if she separates herself from the identity of Han Zifei, can Qin Yinong not see her genuine feelings?

How can she lump herself together with Han Zifei? Does her love appear so cheap and shallow in Qin Yinong's eyes?

Tang Ruoyao bit her lower lip until it turned pale.

Fu Yujun worriedly asked her in a soft voice, "Are you okay?"

Tang Ruoyao dismissed her pessimistic emotions and said, "I'm fine." She let out a sigh and said, "I've already confirmed my feelings. Let's move on to the next question. She said I pursued her relentlessly because of Han Zifei's courage."

"So, you think if it weren't for Han Zifei's courage, you wouldn't have pursued her?" Fu Yujun asked.

"Yes."

"Why do you have to separate yourself from Han Zifei?"

"Because once the role is over, I won't be her anymore."

"Is that so?" Fu Yujun looked at her with a smile that seemed almost mocking.

Tang Ruoyao stared at her in confusion, and in that instant, she suddenly understood something.

Fu Yujun said, "As actors, perhaps we lack real-life experiences. But every character we portray, every life we experience, becomes our own life and brings various influences to us. People are not unchanging, how much have you changed since you started acting? How much of that change was brought to you by the characters you played? Some taught you resilience, some taught you kindness, some taught you integrity, some taught you tolerance. You've embraced all of that, so why can't you accept the courage that Han Zifei taught you?"

Tang Ruoyao hesitated and said, "I know, but I'm afraid... I can't be as brave as she is."

Her family background and upbringing are completely different from Han Zifei's. Han Zifei can take risks, but she can't. She has a bedridden father and a younger brother about to enter adolescence. Just like Qin Yinong, she carries the weight of a family on her shoulders, accustomed to thinking ahead and being cautious.

Of course, she can just hold onto Qin Yinong without any regard for the future. But what about afterwards? How long can a thin layer of courage like paper support them? She doesn't want just the present; she wants a lifetime. Her original intention has never changed.

Even if she were to hold onto Qin Yinong at that moment, would she believe in herself?

Tang Ruoyao self-mockingly tugged at the corner of her lips.

Qin Yinong is still that snail, retreating into her shell at the slightest sign of trouble. She questions herself, knowing that they could have calmly sat down and had a proper conversation instead of this apparent discussion that, in reality, misleads her with her own logic, forcing her to make decisions when she can't think clearly.

Pushing her away ruthlessly while hoping for her to come closer—this is a method Qin Yinong has used multiple times during the filming of "True Colors." Tang Ruoyao thought she had finally entered Qin Yinong's heart with the solitary courage given to her by Han Zifei, overcoming numerous obstacles and thinking that only pleasant meadows and warm sunshine remained. But unexpectedly, she fell into this trap unguarded.

She was stunned, caught off guard. The only courage she could muster was shattered by Qin Yinong's few words, plunging her into a state of self-doubt. She believed she didn't love Qin Yinong enough, she believed she was a coward, she was powerless against Qin Yinong, she felt inferior, timid, and guilty, so she fled in despair.

Yes, she did give up on Qin Yinong because of what Qin Yinong said to Ji Yunyao. She didn't love Qin Yinong enough back then, but that was in the past. People change, and so do feelings. The past her didn't understand Qin Yinong, didn't see her vulnerability and helplessness, didn't experience her beauty and sweetness, didn't go through hardships and obstacles just to make her smile.

She had long fallen in love with her, surpassing everything in the world. Han Zifei was only the key to open Qin Yinong's heart, and throughout the journey, it was only Tang Ruoyao who walked in.

Tang Ruoyao closed her eyes tightly.

Fu Yujun asked her, "What kind of courage is enough?"

Tang Ruoyao murmured, "I don't know."

She sorted out one question, but her mind became more and more chaotic.

Qin Yinong doesn't believe her, and she herself hasn't completely detached from her character. How much of the courage belonging to Han Zifei also belongs to her is unknown.

"It's late." Tang Ruoyao turned on the screen of her phone on the table. "You should go back and rest first."

"Have you made up your mind?" Fu Yujun asked.

"I'll figure it out eventually." Tang Ruoyao smiled, a calm and composed smile that Fu Yujun was accustomed to.

Fu Yujun felt relieved and smiled, "Then I'll go back?"

Tang Ruoyao said, "I'll walk you out."

Fu Yujun politely declined, "There are cameras downstairs."

Tang Ruoyao smiled again, "Then I'll walk you to the door. Send me a message when you're in your room."

Fu Yujun said, "Alright."

Tang Ruoyao watched as Fu Yujun's figure disappeared around the corner of the elevator and then closed her door. She stood quietly in the empty room for a while before walking to the bedside table and pulling open a drawer, taking out the unsent love letter.

It was a thick book, filled with letters she had written as Tang Ruoyao.

Page by page, she flipped through it, from their first meeting to the day before the end of "True Colors," filled only with Tang Ruoyao and Qin Yinong.

She smiled, but as she smiled, her eyes became slightly moist.

She had worked so hard, so why did she still fail?

......

The next morning, the trio from Room 405 knocked on Tang Ruoyao's door. Tang Ruoyao opened the door, and Wen Shuxian rushed in first and asked, "Shall we go downstairs for breakfast?" She nervously glanced at Tang Ruoyao's face.

Tang Ruoyao replied calmly, "Is there something on my face?"

Wen Shuxian giggled and said, "No." It's good that nothing's wrong. Her eyes didn't look like she had been crying.

Tang Ruoyao pointed to the sofa by the window with her chin and said, "You guys can sit first. I'll freshen up."

Wen Shuxian looked at her retreating figure and suddenly exclaimed, immediately covering her mouth. She waited until Tang Ruoyao entered the bathroom before lowering her hand and whispering, "Didn't you notice that Tang Tang herself is back?"

Cui Jiaran took a moment to react, and she showed the same astonishment, saying, "You're right!"

How did she return to her senses so quickly this time?

Fu Yujun pondered.

She turned her head and looked at the neatly made bed, as if no one had slept in it, and the notebook computer closed on the table. When she saw Tang Ruoyao come out after washing up, the answer became clear in her red-eyed gaze.

"You didn't sleep last night?" On the way to the restaurant, Fu Yujun intentionally lagged behind, walking side by side with Tang Ruoyao.

Tang Ruoyao looked ahead and softly responded with an "Mm."

"Insomnia?"

"No, just writing something." Tang Ruoyao couldn't separate her emotions from Han Zifei, but her greatest strength was her rationality. Even during the filming, having only Han Zifei's courage wasn't enough. She could touch Qin Yinong, and her calm and attentive nature had a lot to do with it.

So Tang Ruoyao spent the whole night organizing every milestone in their relationship and identifying the factors that contributed to each progression. Initially, she had no connection with Han Zifei at all. After joining the cast, she and Qin Yinong transitioned from lovers to colleagues, standing on equal ground. That's why she decided to get to know each other again.

Later, when Qin Yinong was involved in a scandal and refused to clarify, Tang Ruoyao confronted her but was met with cold responses. She didn't give up, even though Qin Yinong still didn't tell her the truth. She learned about Qin Yinong's scandal from others. When was that? It was right after the film started shooting, and Han Zifei hadn't even appeared in front of Shen Muqing. How could it have influenced anything?

.....

For each and every incident, Tang Ruoyao would list them all. She hadn't finished listing yet, but she planned to show them to Qin Yinong. As for whether Qin Yinong would believe her or not, Tang Ruoyao could only leave it up to fate.

Last night, she went to knock on Qin Yinong's door, but there was no response. She sent messages but received no reply. Perhaps Qin Yinong didn't want to deal with her anymore.

"Where are the guests?" Tang Ruoyao stepped aside to let the cleaning staff pass in the corridor and instinctively looked down. She saw the staff member opening Qin Yinong's room. She hurriedly approached and asked in a low voice.

The cleaning staff looked at the young woman in front of her strangely and said, "She checked out."

Tang Ruoyao's expression changed. "When did she check out?"

The cleaning staff replied, "I don't know. I came to clean this morning, and she was already gone."

Tang Ruoyao walked inside through the wide-opened door. The luggage she left in the corner last night was gone. The wardrobe and the table were empty, without any personal belongings left behind.

She walked towards the bathroom.

The cleaning staff stopped her. "What are you doing?"

Tang Ruoyao disregarded the question and tightly pursed her lips as she checked inside and out. As expected, Qin Yinong had left, leaving everything spotless.

Her shoulders slumped slowly as she stared silently at the empty room.

Imagining something is one thing, but seeing it happen is another. Leaving without a word, it was the second time. Did she still have a chance to bring her back?

Fu Yujun walked over and said, "Let's have breakfast first."

Tang Ruoyao composed herself, straightened her back, and smiled. "Okay."

A few people took their seats in the restaurant when Fu Yujun's phone vibrated. She slid open the screen, and finally, there was a response to the messages that had been sent all night.

Guan Han: [Let's talk when I have time.]

Fu Yujun: [Did you check out? I saw the cleaning staff cleaning your room this morning.]

Guan Han's fingertips paused.

She was certain that Fu Yujun would be with Tang Ruoyao, so Tang Ruoyao would definitely know about the information she had leaked. Guan Han looked at the woman lying unconscious on the hospital bed, clenched her teeth, and typed: [I checked out at four in the morning.]

Fu Yujun: [Rushing for a flight?]

Guan Han: [No, I estimate that we'll still need to stay here for a few more days.]

Qin Yinong had an acute gastric perforation and underwent surgery overnight. She would have to stay in the hospital for at least a week before being discharged.

She couldn't say any more than that. She could only hope that Fu Yujun would convey her message and that Tang Ruoyao would know that Qin Yinong was still here. Or perhaps, if she thought a little further, she would realize that Qin Yinong was currently in the hospital.

Guan Han changed the topic: [I have something to do, so I'll be busy.]

Fu Yujun put down her phone, rested her elbows on the table, and looked at Tang Ruoyao calmly eating. She said, "I was chatting with Qin's assistant... She said she checked out at four in the morning and she's still in this city."

Tang Ruoyao looked up, her tone devoid of emotion as she said, "Understood." Since she was still here, she would request to meet Qin Yinong.

"What are you going to do?" Fu Yujun asked in a lowered voice.

"Make her believe me."

"Have you thought it through?" Fu Yujun asked.

"Yes."

"And if she doesn't believe you?"

"I'll keep trying until she does." Tang Ruoyao's expression and voice were calm, but there was an indescribable determination in them.

Fu Yujun sighed.

For others, being in a relationship might be difficult, but for Tang Ruoyao, it was like being in a battle.

......

Qin Yinong finally woke up, and Guan Han, who had been by her bedside, almost burst into tears of joy.

Qin Yinong curved her lips and smiled at her. Guan Han immediately put on a serious face and asked, "Are you feeling uncomfortable anywhere? Should I call the doctor?"

Qin Yinong replied, "No."

Guan Han said, expressionless, "Even if it's just a little bit painful, you should still mention it."

Qin Yinong thought for a moment and said, "Then it's probably stomachache."

Pain is pain. What does "probably" mean? Guan Han felt that recently she had been losing her temper more and more frequently. Sooner or later, she would resign and leave. She stood up abruptly and said, "I'll call the doctor!"

There were still two bodyguards standing in the ward. Qin Yinong smiled at them as they glanced over, then she opened her eyes and stared blankly at the snowy white ceiling above.

The memories of last night slowly came back to her.

Her eyebrows furrowed little by little, and a hint of annoyance flashed in her eyes. What exactly did she do last night?

Author's Note:

Although they haven't appeared together, there is no abuse either. The feelings of the two parties involved can be described as regretful. But there is no magic pill for regret, so let's consider it as a bittersweet moment.

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