CHAPTER 116

The phone suddenly disconnected without any warning.

Qin Yinong listened to the busy tone on the other end and a bitter smile appeared on her face.

Shortly after, her eyes started to feel a bit sore. She lifted her head and looked at the bright ceiling lamp in the living room, which was so bright that it intensified the pain in her eyes. She closed her eyes, and tears welled up beneath her eyelids.

Ningning grabbed Qin Yinong's hand and shook it slightly. "Mom?"

Qin Yinong lowered her head. "Hmm?"

Ningning asked, "Mommy, are you unhappy?"

Qin Yinong replied gently, "No, why would you say that?"

Ningning tilted her head, her big eyes showing a bit of confusion as she looked at her. "I just feel that you're very sad."

Qin Yinong lifted her up and sat her in her lap. Rarely, she showed a vulnerable side in front of her child. With her face buried in the child's shoulder, she said in a choked voice, "Mm, mom is indeed very sad."

She had mustered up the courage to take a small step and voluntarily reveal her biggest secret, but it turned out to be the opposite of what she had hoped for. She had imagined Tang Ruoyao's reaction—silence, speechlessness, tears of sadness, or perhaps an outburst of frantic questions. Or maybe she would remain calm and composed, just like she had always been, never giving up. But she didn't expect Tang Ruoyao to hang up on her directly.

All the accumulated emotions and expectations were shattered, leaving an indescribable feeling.

So, is this... the end?

"Don't be sad." Ningning gently patted her back with her small hand, speaking softly, "I will always be with you."

"Mom will always be with Ningning too."

Qin Yinong lifted her face, lightly tapping the tip of the child's nose, and then put Qin Jianing down, smiling softly. "Let's go. Mom will accompany you to play with building blocks."

Ningning happily exclaimed, "Okay!"

Qin Yinong had never played with such "luxurious" and "refined" toys when she was young. She was more familiar with playing with iron hoops, marbles, and teasing cats and dogs. So, although she claimed to be accompanying Ningning to play, she was actually there to make a mess.

Ningning giggled uncontrollably because of her antics and temporarily became a little teacher, teaching her how to build.

The living room was filled with warm laughter. Ji Shulan finished tidying up the kitchen and came out to witness the heartwarming scene of motherly love and filial piety. Ningning looked up and waved at her. "Grandma, come here too."

Ji Shulan's wrinkles deepened as she laughed. She said, "Wait for grandma to get her glasses."

She said as she walked towards the room, and Ningning quickly climbed up, full of energy. "I'll get it! I know where it is!"

Ji Shulan chuckled.

Qin Yinong also laughed.

Ji Shulan said, "It's been a long time since I've seen her this happy. It's better when you're at home."

Qin Yinong said, "After I finish shooting this drama, I'll take a month off for myself." Ningning's situation made her realize that the love she had given to the other person was far from enough. It was time to shift more focus to her family.

Ningning ran back, her little skirt flying up as she almost pounced on them, holding a glasses case in her hand.

Ji Shulan put on her glasses, and the three of them played children's games together.

Ji Shulan spent every day at home with the child. Even though she was older, she was much stronger than Qin Yinong. Perhaps because the atmosphere was too relaxed, she occasionally teased Qin Yinong, who was twice as big as the building blocks. Qin Yinong couldn't handle this toy, so she eventually stopped playing and sat on the side, watching with a smile in her eyes.

This was what she protected, and it was her only and absolute priority. It couldn't have any accidents or risks.

This was already good enough.

Countless nights, she held onto this thought, relying on the weight on her shoulders, forcing herself to break free from the swamp of self-abandonment, and face each new day, day after day, year after year.

But was this really good enough? Wasn't there any sense of reluctance?

Qin Yinong placed one hand on the floor and looked into the deep night outside the French windows.

—It's windy.

She suddenly remembered the evening when Tang Ruoyao accompanied her to watch TV on the set, describing a future that was much more exciting than what she could currently see. She couldn't wait to rush towards a future with her in it. But did she have the courage to embrace the unknown again?

Who knew if the next step she took would lead to another abyss? It wouldn't matter if something happened to her alone, but what about her mother and child? Her sister had already died. She was the only support left in this family. She couldn't afford any accidents.

Qin Yinong self-mockingly curled her lips, her tongue filled with bitterness, and she lowered her eyelids.

It seems that she's wavering again. Lately, she's been thinking about unrealistic things.

Be more clear-headed, more rational.

"I'll go pour a glass of water, do you want any?" Qin Yinong stood up from the floor and picked up a glass from the table.

Ningning raised her hand, "I want some!"

Ji Shulan said, "Pour a glass for me too."

Qin Yinong went to the kitchen, and the water in the kettle had already cooled down. She poured herself a full cup of cold water, raised it to her lips, and drank it all in one gulp before refilling it and heating the water again. Nowadays, electric kettles were very fast, and it didn't take long for the sound of boiling water to be heard.

The sound was a bit loud, to the point that Qin Yinong didn't hear the noise outside.

It was only when Ningning ran in holding a phone."Mom, mom, your phone!"

"Hmm?" Qin Yinong raised an eyebrow. Who would be calling her at this time?

Qin Yinong took the phone, and the incoming call displayed a number that she knew all too well, to the point that her fingertips trembled slightly when she answered. She slid to the answer button, pressed it against her ear, and remained silent.

The other person called out to her, "Senior Qin." There was a slight pause, followed by a hint of apology. "I accidentally dropped my phone earlier, so..."

"Hmm." Qin Yinong had to take a short breath before she could make a nasal sound.

"I..." Tang Ruoyao lowered her head and looked at the tip of her shoe, forcing a bitter smile.

No matter how much mental preparation she had done, she couldn't face Qin Yinong so calmly and quickly.

Qin Yinong had once tested her by mentioning her child, but at that time, Tang Ruoyao had taken it as a joke, thinking that Qin Yinong was trying to make her give up, deliberately creating a pretext. She even stubbornly thought that even if Qin Yinong got married, it wouldn't matter, she could just wait for her to get a divorce. Later, on set, when they talked about their characters, Qin Yinong once again subtly expressed her responsibilities, and Tang Ruoyao even went to find Han Yuping, step by step overturning the assumption that she had a family.

It was only when the childish voice of "Mom" shattered all her illusions that she didn't think twice and simply hung up the phone. It was an illusion, the voice she heard wasn't real, and the phone call itself wasn't real.

Unless that child was also someone she hired, just to force her to give up. But she was at home now, how could she have expected that she would call her at this moment, coincidentally having the hired child call her "mom."

Thinking about it was one thing, but facing the reality was another. In the end, Tang Ruoyao was just a 23-year-old girl. It was one thing to be brave for love, but to continue pursuing someone knowing that they had a family, she not only faced numerous obstacles herself but also endured the condemnation of her moral conscience.

On the other hand, did she really understand Qin Yinong enough? Was her family really unhappy? She started to doubt it.

She was such a strong person, who would make her unhappy? Maybe she was actually living a good life, and she was just a participant in her act on the outside, like many powerful and influential men who had a happy family at home while displaying colorful flag outside?

Tang Ruoyao's thoughts were more chaotic than ever before, tearing at her like a tangled mess, numbing her heart in the process. She sat on the cold floor of her room, trembling uncontrollably, and it took her a while to regain her senses. She couldn't make sense of anything, but driven by an impulse, she dialed Qin Yinong's number again.

Regardless of the situation, hanging up on the call was not right.

Ningning looked up, curiously blinking her eyes.

Qin Yinong placed her hand on Ningning's head, giving it a rub, and politely but somewhat distant, she said, "Teacher Tang, calling so late, is there something you need?"  [In Chinese language, Teacher is also used as address term to show respect or signal the formality of the situation,]

Ningning tilted her head.

Tang?

Tang Ruoyao: "N-no, there's, there's nothing. I just wanted to apologize to you."

Qin Yinong: "I accept your apology. Is there anything else?"

Tang Ruoyao once again found herself at a loss for words, but she didn't want to hang up the phone. She was afraid that if she did, she would be consumed by those speculations that defamed Qin Yinong.

Qin Yinong heard the anxious footsteps on the other end, followed by the sound of a zipper being opened and the rustling of paper. Tang Ruoyao sounded flustered as she stammered, "I wanted to discuss the script with you. I have a question, about..."

Qin Yinong coldly interrupted her, "We can talk about the script when I get back. Let's discuss it face to face." She refused to even entertain the question, not even willing to ask?

Tang Ruoyao's quick flipping of pages came to a halt, and then she fell silent, saying, "Okay."

Perhaps her voice was too low, as Qin Yinong softened her tone and said, "I'll be back tomorrow, and we should resume regular filming in the afternoon."

"Mm."

"Good night."

"...Good night."

A long time passed, and Tang Ruoyao listened to the empty sound on the phone. Her lips moved, and she asked, "Senior Qin, why... haven't you hung up yet?"

"I forgot." Qin Yinong said, and then she hung up the phone.

Beep beep beep...

The sudden busy tone made Tang Ruoyao pause for a moment. A faint thought flashed through her mind that Qin Yinong seemed to be waiting for her to say something. But the call had already been hung up, and Tang Ruoyao didn't have the courage to redial.

She needed to calm down and reanalyze everything that had happened.

......

Qin Yinong locked her phone and set it aside, holding two cups of water as she walked out. Ningning, her little shadow, followed closely behind her, asking, "Who was calling just now? I heard you calling her Teacher Tang. Is she really a teacher?"

Qin Yinong smiled and replied, "No, she's just a kid. Why worry about such things?"

Ningning bounced around and asked, "Is she your new colleague?"

Qin Yinong paused for a moment and said, "No, she's an old colleague."

Ningning confidently stated, "Then it must be Miss Yao."

Qin Yinong was impressed and stopped in her tracks, looking at Ningning in surprise. "How did you guess that?"

Ningning gave her mother a look of "I can't stand it" and sighed like an old soul, "I only know one person with that name. You even said you would introduce me to her when you have time, but you adults always seem to be too busy."

Qin Yinong's gaze dimmed.

She may not want to meet you.

Ningning asked, "What's Miss Yao's full name? Is it Tang Yao? Which 'Yao'? The shaking 'Yao'?"

Qin Yinong chuckled and said, "No, it's... a distant 'Yao'."

Ningning nodded and asked, "How do you write it?" At this important stage of learning to read, when children hear a new word, they instinctively ask about its spelling.

Qin Yinong placed the two cups of water on the coffee table and took out pen and paper from the drawer. She squatted in front of the coffee table and carefully wrote down Tang Ruoyao's name, stroke by stroke.

Ningning took a look and said, "Tang, Ruo, Yao. So it's three characters." Then she exclaimed, "Grandma lied again! She said your handwriting was ugly, but this looks pretty, doesn't it?"

Ji Shulan, who overheard the conversation, came over in surprise and said, "You've been practicing your handwriting?" It was a rarity to see such neat and angular handwriting from someone who used to write like a dog crawling for eight hundred years.

Qin Yinong's ears inexplicably turned warm, and she casually replied, "Hmm, I practiced when I had nothing else to do."

Ningning excitedly said, "I want Mom to write my name too!"

She pushed the paper over again, her big eyes shining with anticipation.

Qin Yinong hesitated and said, "..."

Her hand holding the pen suddenly felt hot. How should she explain to her daughter that Mom only writes those three characters well and hasn't practiced writing your name?

Ji Shulan joined in the lively atmosphere and smiled, "Can I have one too?"

Ningning said, "Mommy should write it."

Qin Yinong reluctantly wrote Ningning's full name, her own surname, "Qin," was fine, but when it came to her given name, "Ji," she stumbled. The first horizontal stroke almost wasn't straight, and the pen seemed to have a mind of its own, twisting and turning, nearly resembling a caterpillar.

Qin Yinong fell into contemplation. Why didn't she name Qin Jianing "Qin Yi Yi" or "Er Er San San" when she had the chance?

After finishing writing the upper part of the character "Ji," Qin Yinong looked at it, feeling embarrassed. She crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it into the trash can, saying, "I'll rewrite it."

Ningning still had hope and had great confidence in Qin Yinong. She believed that her mother would write her an exceptionally beautiful name.

Qin Yinong reluctantly finished writing Qin Jianing's name. Although it was written carefully, it deviated from her usual messy handwriting. However, the structure was loose, large, and angular, shattering Ningning's expectations. Her little mouth drooped in disappointment.

Qin Yinong whispered, "I'm sorry, Mom will write a beautiful one for you next time."

Ningning folded the paper and put it away, raising a smile and saying, "This one looks good already."

Qin Yinong kissed her face and looked at Ji Shulan, asking, "Mom, do you want one too?" When it came to her mom, it didn't matter how messy or ugly her handwriting was.

Ji Shulan seemed lost in thought. Qin Yinong called her, but she didn't react. Qin Yinong raised her voice a bit and asked again. Ji Shulan snapped out of her daze and said, "Yes, please write one for me."

Qin Yinong was slightly surprised but still wrote one—a poorly written "Ji Shulan."

Ji Shulan said, "Now write your own name, clearly, not the kind of scribble you sign on documents."

"Huh?" Qin Yinong's pen paused for a moment. She crossed out the half-written name and rewrote it next to it. Her own name could only be described as not ugly, barely passable, but it lacked elegance and leaned to one side.

A glimmer of light flashed in Ji Shulan's eyes, as if she was lost in thought.

The family played in the living room for a while, and Ningning held Qin Yinong's hand and said, "Mom, I want to take a bath."

Qin Yinong took the child to get clothes for a bath.

Ji Shulan's gaze fell on the trash can beside the coffee table. Taking advantage of the two of them facing away while entering the room, she reached out and picked up the crumpled paper, flattened it, folded it, and tucked it between the pages of a book.

Silence filled the room.

Qin Yinong returned to the bedroom, and Ningning was fast asleep by the pillow.

Ji Shulan put on her reading glasses, and with trembling hands, she carefully unfolded the crumpled paper from within the book's pages. She held it up to the light and examined it closely. The strokes were firm and precise, revealing a level of skill she never expected Qin Yinong to possess.

Tang Ruoyao.

Ji Shulan silently repeated the name and unlocked her phone's screen. After a while of searching, she managed to find the browser and entered the three characters into the search bar, confirming it.

Thanks to the all-knowing internet, a brief biography of Tang Ruoyao appeared on the screen.

Tang Ruoyao, female, born on X month, X day in Z City, J Province in 1996. Graduated from the Capital Drama Academy's undergraduate class of 2014. A mainland Chinese actress.

The rest of the page consisted of her filmography, awards she had received, and Ji Shulan scrolled down one by one until she came across a line that caught her attention: "In Production: 'True Colors,' co-starring with Qin Yinong."

Ji Shulan paused and scrolled up to look at Tang Ruoyao's photo, feeling a sense of familiarity she couldn't quite place.

She closed the webpage, entered a new search query, "Qin Yinong Tang Ruoyao." The first results that appeared were about their alleged same-sex relationship on set—a rumor that Qin Yinong had already denied. However, rumors always attracted more attention than denials, so the top search results were still old news. As she scrolled down further, she found last year's graduation ceremony for undergraduate students at the Capital Drama Academy, where Qin Yinong personally awarded Tang Ruoyao her degree.

Ji Shulan had nothing to do at home, and being Qin Yinong's only daughter, she often followed Qin Yinong's updates. Qin Yinong had also instructed Guan Han to send her some irrelevant public itineraries or interviews about her, so Ji Shulan had seen Tang Ruoyao in some of those videos.

"Mom,"

"No matter who I like, do you have any objections?"

"Mom only wants you to be happy."

"Even if it's... her."

"Him? What about him?"

"It's nothing."

Him? Her?

Ji Shulan's pupils suddenly contracted, and the paper she was holding slipped through her fingers, floating gently to the ground.

The night breeze swirled, carrying leaves and brushing against the second-floor window before drifting away into the distance. Qin Yinong sat at the bar in her room, one hand holding a glass, the other supporting her chin, staring at her phone's dark screen.

She took a sip of her drink, unlocked the screen, and the main screen displayed a conversation box with Tang Ruoyao. Inside, there was a quiet "Goodnight" message from last night, and no updates in her friend circle.

Qin Yinong took another sip of her drink, and the glass, which had just been filled, was now only left with a shallow bottom. She looked gloomy.

She tightened her fist, then relaxed it, flexing her stiff fingers. Finally, she picked up her phone.

***

[@Chai Chai Chai Ziqiu, Come out and take a beating]

Tang Ruoyao frowned and glanced at the phone screen lighting up beside her. In the screenwriting group that had been silent for a while, a new message had appeared.

The only person who would say something like that was Qin Yinong.

In the middle of the night, she was actually reading the script? Tang Ruoyao wondered.

Chai Ziqiu, who claimed to be on a long-distance trip, appeared in the group with an audacious statement: [Here I am, come and beat me up!]

Qin Yinong randomly responded: [🐺🔪🔪🔫]

Tang Ruoyao looked at the constant stream of emojis popping up in the group, which didn't match Qin Yinong's usual style. She suddenly had a hunch and followed up with a message: [@Chai Chai Chai Ziqiu, Come out and take a beating.]

The flood of emojis from Qin Yinong immediately stopped.

Chai Ziqiu: [Wow, you two planned this, teaming up against me, a tag-team fight, hmph, I'm out of here.]

Chai Ziqiu disappeared, and Qin Yinong stared at Tang Ruoyao's profile picture, her palms unconsciously sweating.

She really hadn't gone to sleep yet.

Tang Ruoyao deliberately waited for a minute and tentatively said, [Wishing you prosperity and good luck.]

A seamless system message popped up: [Qin Yinong has received your red envelope.]

She was waiting for her.

Tang Ruoyao boldly applied some golden stickers to her face, her fingers trembling with nervousness. After tapping twice, she successfully opened a private chat: [Senior Qin, why aren't you sleeping? Don't you have an early flight tomorrow?]

Qin Yinong: [How did you know I have an early flight?]

Tang Ruoyao: [You said we have a regular afternoon shoot.]

Qin Yinong: [Did I say that?]

Although they were separated by a screen, and the conversation was simple, Tang Ruoyao sensed a slight intimacy that was different from before. The negative emotions that had filled her heart were instantly relieved. She couldn't help but curl her lips and type: [You did say it.]

[Well, if I said it, then I said it. I'm getting old, my memory isn't good.] Qin Yinong typed rapidly with both hands.

[Aren't you only twenty-nine?]

[I'll be turning thirty in a month.]

I'll celebrate your birthday for you. Tang Ruoyao hesitated, deleted those words, and changed her statement: [Your birthday is close to the end of filming. I guess the crew will prepare a birthday cake for you. Let's celebrate in advance.] I can also accompany you for your first birthday.

[Okay, that saves the cost of a cake.] Qin Yinong calmly replied.

Tang Ruoyao didn't know how to respond. She was afraid of getting too close and accidentally stepping on a landmine, but she also didn't want to be too formal, fearing that Qin Yinong wouldn't bother replying. Before she could come up with a reply, Qin Yinong said, [I'm going to sleep.]

"Hey." Knowing that the other person couldn't hear her, Tang Ruoyao still uttered a sound. She quickly typed, [So early? I've only said a few sentences!]

Qin Yinong curled her lips and replied, [I have an early flight.]

Tang Ruoyao bit her lip and said, [Well, then go to sleep. See you tomorrow.]

[See you tomorrow.] Qin Yinong responded.

Tang Ruoyao lay back on the bed, her previous gloominess swept away. Qin Yinong had taken the initiative to contact her! Although it was under the guise of Chai Ziqiu's distraction, she had truly reached out to her and even exchanged several sentences!

Tang Ruoyao was ecstatic and overwhelmed. She rolled around in her quilt, feeling disheveled, before slowly calming down.

She needed to rethink the situation and not let her emotions control her.

"Director Han." Tang Ruoyao called Han Yuping on the phone. "You mentioned that your wife has the booklet of Senior Qin's film shoots over the years. Can you send them to me?"

Han Yuping was a family-oriented person, and when Qin Yinong went on vacation, he would return home to accompany his wife.

Han Yuping said, "Sure, I'll be at the set tomorrow and bring them to you."

"Thank you, Director Han. Are you sure she doesn't have any time to get pregnant and have a child?" Tang Ruoyao asked.

Han Yuping impatiently replied, "I'm sure. Having a child is not like blowing up a balloon. It doesn't just pop out with a 'biu' and 'xiu' sound. I meet her every year, and I've never seen her pregnant."

Tang Ruoyao continued, "Have you heard anything about her adopting a daughter?"

Han Yuping paused, "What are you talking about? Xiaotang, if you have something to say, say it to her face. Don't keep doubting and suspecting things on your own. If she's not telling the truth, bring her in front of me, and we'll confront her together."

He was straightforward and disliked beating around the bush, especially when it came to young girls in love. Their minds were too delicate and prone to overthinking, and Han Yuping was always worried that their speculations would ruin something good.

Tang Ruoyao found his blunt suggestion both funny and exasperating. After holding back her laughter, she said, "Okay, I'll consider it."

"Get some sleep, you still have filming in the afternoon." Han Yuping advised.

After taking two reassurance pills in a row, Tang Ruoyao felt more determined. She got up, poured herself a glass of water, and as she drank, she reflected on the events of the night. Qin Yinong guarded her family situation closely, and there was no trace of it online. According to Han Yuping's reaction, he was unaware of this child's existence.

Han Yuping should be one of the closest people to Qin Yinong in the industry, but even he didn't know, and she told Tang Ruoyao herself. 

Was this the last resort she had to use, forcing herself to give up? Was it necessary for her to take such a big risk? Or... was this the first step she has decided to open her heart to herself?

Thinking about the latter possibility, every cell in Tang Ruoyao's body was stirred up, and her fingers holding the water cup trembled slightly.

Changing her perspective, the outcome was completely different.

There was only one question in front of her: Did Qin Yinong really get married? If she did, is she happy in her marriage? If the answer is no, Tang Ruoyao still has infinite courage.

Regardless of whether she has a child or if the child is her biological child, she doesn't care about any of it!

What is Qin Yinong waiting for on that phone call that hasn't been hung up? Han Yuping was right, she couldn't rely on guessing all the time. She wanted to ask her in person!

Tang Ruoyao didn't fall asleep until late at night. She set an alarm for six o'clock and woke up startled, sending a message to Qin Yinong: [What time is your flight?]

Qin Yinong had just finished washing up. The air in the capital was not good, and it was almost dawn, with a hazy sky. She picked up her phone from the bedside table, thinking it was some junk message that she could delete without looking, but she froze on the spot.

Did she... cross the line a bit?

While Qin Yinong was thinking this, her fingers took the initiative to reply honestly: [Eight o'clock flight, getting ready to go to the airport.]

Tang Ruoyao: [What time will you land?]

Before Qin Yinong could finish typing, another message popped up.

Tang Ruoyao: [I'll pick you up.]

Qin Yinong: "..."

As dawn broke, Guan Han accompanied Qin Yinong into the car. Seeing her expression, Guan Han asked with a slightly puzzled look in her eyes, "Qin Jie, do you have something happy going on?"

Qin Yinong suppressed the smile on her lips and casually said, "It's alright." Then, in a slightly embarrassed tone, she added, "Hm... Yao Yao wants to pick me up."

She lowered her head slightly, and her thumb rubbed against the tip of her nose.

Author's Note:

Guan Han.CP fan: Ahhh, so sweet! Kissing sugar! AWSL

A small step for the sister, but a big step for Yao Yao.

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